LEITH, SCOTLAND – Local man Craig Ross recently just completed a lengthy journey of nearly 1000 miles on foot to secure the love of an area woman. Unfortunately, the man severely overestimated his walking ability and the trip took over 6 months. By that time, the woman, Mary Shaw, had moved on with her life and settled down with another man.
“I felt we had something pretty special, and then he starts talking about this walking 500 miles and then 500 more. It was crazy. Just left one day all of a sudden. Hell, I didn’t know you could even walk 1000 miles from here without falling into the sea! Turns out he walked down to London and back, and then had to walk around in circles because that was only 840 miles. But he was gone so long, I didn’t know if he was ever coming back. So when William started coming around…well, I wasn’t going to wait my whole life for that fool, you know. My girlfriends were like, ‘Oooh, that’s so romantic, he’s walking 1000 miles.’ But it was crazy, I tell ya. Lunacy!”
Ross admits that he really hadn’t sat down and worked out how long it would take to walk that far. “It sounded like something I could do, I guess. I never was a very good math student, so I didn’t really know. I started out well enough, but then I got mugged 3 times, bitten by a fox, and a car crashed into me and broke my leg. Spent a few months just recovering from that before picking up again. I got fired because I didn’t tell my boss what I was doing. I got evicted and my stuff was put out on the street…and is all long gone now. So I’ve got nowhere to live, I have no money, and I have no possessions. My life is ruined. I’ve heard that Mary’s moved on…Well, she should have stopped me.”
Shaw contends that she did. “I told him 500 times. Then I told him 500 more. I said I’d marry him if he’d just quit all that havering!”