This Is Breaking News

The story just blew up.
The story just blew up.

Every time I’m ahead of schedule something happens to knock me back. I was trucking along mowing the grass in my “mowing trance” and soaking up some sunshine today when all of a sudden a loud bang emanated from under my lawn mower. While standing in a cloud of debris it took me a few seconds to figure out what in the hell just happened.

What had happened was that I ran over the newspaper that the paper delivery personnel (formerly known as the hateful and gender exclusionary term “paperboys”) threw on the lawn. The mower exploded the paper all over the place.

My neighbors came running as some of them wondered if something had been shot in the street. When I explained to the neighbors what had happened one of them graciously offered to let me use their bagger to clean it up. However, being that my neighbors break out in a sweat if my lawn grows an extra inch because the property values might plummet, I’m pretty sure the neighbor was more likely making sure that I wasn’t going to just leave and let the shredded paper blow around. That’s all I would have needed was to have to pay a fine for littering on top of everything else.

So, start spreading the news, I cleaned it up. It wouldn’t sweep or rake up of course that would have been too easy. I had to get down on my hands and knees with a plastic bag and gather the facts for an hour. I don’t understand my luck sometimes. I truly am at a loss for words about all of the lost words.

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9 thoughts on “This Is Breaking News”

  1. I like how you started with just a shred of news and were able to make mower and mower news out of it. When news breaks, Billy Dees fixes it.
    I love all the language play, Billy, especially “start spreading the news.” I have puns envy.

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