Koga, a 24-year-old male gorilla, escaped from his cage at the Buffalo zoo and was captured in the staff lounge.
“How come stupid humans get lounge Koga no can go in lounge?”
Cold cold cold cold cold. Why does anyone live in this godforsaken place, it’s cold ALLA TIME! If stupid humans had more highly-developed brains they never would have left Africa for upstate New York.
How do they freaking stand it? You’ve got winds howling off the lake, nothing but hockey to watch all winter long. I wonder if they’re hiring at the St. Louis Zoo?
“Excuse me–is there a Starbucks around here?”
I’m busting outta this joint–gotta find someplace warm. Maybe giraffes are stuck here, but I’m a goddamn great ape–I can climb! Do they really think a little thing like a ten-foot high metal fence is gonna stop me?
There we go. MUCH better! No barriers between me and zoo-goers now. Breaking down curatorial walls between the spectator and the exhibit–hey, where’s everybody going? Used to be they all took my picture, now they run away. Gotta check mirror–maybe that candy bar the kid threw me made me break out.
Hmm–zookeepers running to building. Wonder what in there. Huh–staff lounge. Hey, how come animals don’t get lounge, gotta be exposed to elements all day long. No fair!
“Hey–where’s everybody going?”
Oh well, I’m part of the staff here at the Buffalo Zoo, might as well take a load off my feet, get a cup of that black stuff the humans drink, schmooze a bit. Only way to effect change in an organization is to make it happen yourself. “Management by walking around,” blah blah blah.
Hey Nate–how they hangin’ buddy? Nate–it’s Koga. You know me. What’s the matter? You still sore about the time I grabbed you at feeding time? And kept you hostage overnight? C’mon, lighten up. You probably went through something tougher to get into your college fraternity.
All right, fine–be that way. I’ll just s-t-r-e-t-c-h out on this luxurious burnt siena sofa and de-frag the old simian brain. Man, these guys don’t know how tough I’ve got it. They sit in their warm little offices all day, pushing paper around. Me, I’m ON all the time; monkey see, monkey do, gotta do monkey stuff all day long for the paying customers. And when the trustees come out for the annual meeting? Man, I gotta whoop it up, do the whole Tarzan thing–it’s embarrassing.
Might as well catch up on my reading. Hm, what we got here. Buffalo Bills 2016 Yearbook, Marie Claire–ah, here we go, People! The magazine that’s just right for frazzled ape brain looking for a little mind candy.
Best & Worst Dressed issue always fun. Can’t believe some of these outfits!
I mean, I hate to be anti-science, but how you expect me to believe in evolution after reading this?