My Mom is a May baby. She was, in fact, born on Mother’s Day. I’ve been double whammied ever since. This is ironic since I was my Dad’s Father’s Day gift. She is the sort of mom who will tell you she doesn’t want any gifts but the awkward silence that will ensue if you actually listen can be a huge problem.
This most recent Mother’s Day, my annual dilemma of what to do for my mom this year almost resolved itself. After over twenty five years of continuous use, her sewing machine had the unmitigated gaul to finally croak. Luckily, a friend who joined our yard sale recently brought a sewing machine in need of a home. We pounced on it and that completed my shopping. Mom is notoriously difficult to buy for and due to a lack of a filter, has no problem letting you know if a gift flops.
Over the years, I have felt forced to be creative yet practical. I’ve tried to listen to her mention things that need replacing or friends of hers who have gotten things she liked. One year, I found myself stumped. I racked my brain trying to come up with ideas but every time I ask her, the response was always “nothing”. Finally I came up with the next best thing. Besides sewing, I knew she loves her garden. I knew she had pantloads of flowers and tools and then I remembered our conversation about my tomato plants. “If you plant the same thing over and over in that spot, you deplete the dirt.”
While roaming around a local garden center, I found it. I bought my mother a sack of s**t for her birthday! Nothing says “I love you” like excrement. Do I put a brown bow on it? Would she take it as some sort of statement of what I thought of her? My mother is probably the only human on the planet who was unfazed by my weird choice. She was actually glad to get a useful present. This wasn’t too surprising in hindsight since she’s about the most pragmatic person I know. Still, it’s not every day you get a gift with it’s own unique bouquet. It’s all down hill from here, I don’t think I’ll ever top that gift.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever given or gotten on Mother’s Day? You have about eleven shopping months until the next one. I suggest you get cracking.