As an attorney, I receive a bi-monthly lawyer magazine. Most of the time, I just glance through it and put it in the recycling pile. My favorite column is a satire article at the end of every edition entitled “To Wit.”
But this month, To Wit was outdone by real life.
I have to admit here, that the only additional information I always peruse is the “Discipline” column. This is usually one or two pages delineating all the disciplinary actions against lawyers. It ranges from Emergency Temporary Suspensions to Temporary Suspensions, to Reciprocal Discipline from other States, to Disbarments and Disbarments on Consent, which means the attorney agrees that he royally screwed-up and agrees to give back his license.
The first reason I read the Discipline page is that my Catholic school guilt complex makes me breathe a sigh of relief each time I’m not mentioned. The second is absolutely dirty-laundry interest, of which I am sincerely ashamed. Sorry.
What stood out in this month’s Discipline was not that any particular lawyer was subject to punishment for some heinous crime, nor anything salacious was happening in the discipline of lawyers across the counties.
No, the thing that stood out was a paragraph about an unfortunate attorney who was obviously battling a serious problem with sobriety and the Disciplinary Board was trying very hard to help this person.
” Mr. X was placed on probation for two years, subject to a sobriety monitor. However, despite “repeated efforts” by the..Lawyers’ Assistance Committee, the Board was unable to find an attorney in Cleveland qualified to serve as a sobriety monitor.”
Now…………I have no idea what’s going on in Cleveland. I mean, I know just in this year,
the Clevland Cavaliers won the NBA Championship. So, that was certainly cause for partying. The Cleveland Indians almost won the World Series. That contest went all seven games. I’m sure there was quite a bit of beer being consumed during that thrilling October and November. And every third Friday, there is Polka Happy Hour, which if you’ve ever polka-ed, you’d know can be pretty darn exciting.
But I’d have to believe that the Committee took all of that into consideration which is why they kept going back to Cleveland after all these intoxicating times…hence, the phrase, “repeated efforts.”
I’ve never been to Cleveland. I would very much like to go there one day. I’m definitely interested in seeing the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. But I think they may have a serious drinking problem in that city. I’m worried that a visit to Cleveland may end up with my name in the Discipline pages if I’m not careful. On the other hand….”ROCK ON, CLEVELAND!!”
For more of my humor go here
Cathy is the author of Showering with Nana: Confessions of a Serial Caregiver and
Spinal Tap put Cleveland on the map. I’m not saying i know where it is though!
That’s a riot! Trust a humor writer to find the hidden funny in a magazine for lawyers. As a retired attorney myself, I know that they are generally NOT laugh riots. Good for you! (By the way, have you ever submitted anything to that “To Wit” feature? Sounds like it’s right up your alley.)
Yes…I work hard to mine the world of humor!! Haha. And thanks for the so very sweet vote of confidence,but “To Wit” has one author and, you will appreciate this his nom de plume is “S. Sponte!”
That is hilarious! I have to give this story to my husband, who is a lawyer. But sober. Most of the time.
AHH give it to him when he’s drunk…he’ll think it’s funnier!
I think they have law schools there. Wouldn’t this be covered in those schools? LOL
Now there’s an interesting thought. But law professors don’t have to be licensed to practice law, so maybe they just give up their license to drink and teach in Cleveland. Not a bad gig, I’d say!
Sobering. And funny.
Let’s all go to Cleveland and discuss!