After 24 years of marriage, my husband Patrick did something I’m not sure I can forgive. This will surprise anyone who knows him, since he is almost a saint. He is kind, patient, and always willing to sprint the extra marital mile to make me happy.
What could he possibly have done that is unforgivable? Here’s what happened.
I was going through the credit card statement, and saw a charge for oil bronzed shower rings. I asked, “Did you order these?” and immediately panicked, thinking we were victims of identity theft. He replied (and I quote), “I made a unilateral decision to buy new rings.”
Let me give you some background. Several years ago when we I redecorated the bathroom, I chose a pine theme, since we live in a pine forest in the Pine Tree State. I even clean the bathroom with Pine-sol. You can imagine my delight, when I found adorable pine cone shower hooks (not rings) to unify the look.
It seems Patrick became exasperated about the way they detach from the rod with everyday use. Unbeknownst to me, he started cruising online bathroom accessory stores to find alternatives.
Since I am shallow, I have tolerated the inconvenience of reinstalling the shower curtain daily. My priority was maintaining a matching motif worthy of the cover of an L.L. Bean home catalog.
You might think I’d applaud Patrick’s courage and initiative. But if a butterfly flaps its wings in China and can cause a hurricane in Florida, what tempest could result when a husband starts making unilateral decisions? Decisions that his wife used to make unilaterally?
If I let him off the hook, will this drop the curtain on our perfectly balanced power distribution? And what other unilateral decisions will he start making?
- Will I find mysterious Victoria’s Secret bags in my underwear drawer?
- Will he order MY meal in a restaurant of HIS choice?
- Will he book a vacation?
- Will he dictate our next Netflix series?
- Will he sneak out and buy generic shampoo?
- Will he insist I learn how to barbecue?
I broke into a sweat projecting a future where shared decision-making was the norm, and decided to take a shower. I couldn’t help but notice that the new shower rings floated effortlessly across the rod. No snags. No hassle.
*sigh* St. Patrick strikes again.
How do you and your partner or spouse handle decorating decisions? What are we going to do with all our pine cone shower hooks? Maybe Patrick can learn the art of shower ring hook sales by reviewing this scene from one of my our favorite movies, “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.”
If he’s a typical husband, you won’t have to worry about him doing this kind of thing often.
Pine cone shower curtain hooks? 😛
Here are some possible uses:
1. Glue some of them to a piece of green string and give them to a toddler to wear as a necklace.
2. Donate them to a “save the forest” website.
3. Sew them to your kid’s costume for the next school play.
4. Put them into the glass-and-plastic recycling bin and close the lid.
I think if you could see them Kathy you would appreciate how unique and rustic they really are. I tried to use them as Christmas decorations but alas they were too dark and didn’t show on the tree. Perhaps if I spray paint with some silver glitter they will work. Or I could just follow suggestion #4.