Trump Followers Electrified | HumorOutcasts

Trump Followers Electrified

January 6, 2017

National Media Museum

While electro-shock aversion therapy is no longer used in “gay conversion” attempts, the American Psychiatric Association does currently approve its use on supporters of Donald Trump.

The APA’s official position is that “people are not born slavishly supporting Trump.  It’s a choice.”

According to exhaustive research, Trump supporters have been constitutionally unable to react appropriately to any of the thousands of shocking things Trump has said or done.  The therapy restores their natural capacity for outrage, astonishment, and disgust.

Patients are shown 27 hours of clips of Trump’s most offensive words, actions, gestures, lies, and tweetsand with each new image or sound byte, the patient’s brain and genitals are zapped with a stinging 450 volts.  In response to charges that this type of electroconvulsive therapy is cruel, the APA has defended it, saying, “Even at 450 volts, these Trump supporters are receiving much less of a shock than everybody else has experienced.”

Results so far have been mixed.  APA spokesman Dr. Sang Freud reports that “only about 3% of those treated have actually become decent, caring human beings.”  Despite the low rate of success, polls show that among Democrats and Independents, the approval rate for continuing aggressive electro-shock therapy on Trump supporters is 100%.

Bill Spencer

Bill Spencer's humor writing has been published by Funny Times, Narrative magazine, Reader's Digest, The Sun, The Inconsequential, Clever magazine, Defenestration, The Short Humour Site, Hobo Pancakes, and Nuthouse. He has also published scholarly articles on the novels of Cormac McCarthy and is co-author of an unproduced screenplay, "Angel Pays a Visit." He lives in a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife, artist-poet Carolyn Elkins.

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7 Responses to Trump Followers Electrified

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    January 7, 2017 at 7:21 am

    Any chance of doubling the voltage?

    • Bill Spencer
      January 7, 2017 at 7:44 am

      We just want them to be as re-volted as we are.

  2. January 6, 2017 at 3:57 pm

    At first, I thought the article would be about how the non-Trump supporters were volunteering for shock therapy to get through the next four years. But I find this much more useful.I think four years of continued therapy may indeed cure those who suffer from this.

    • Bill Spencer
      January 6, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      It’s worth a shot—and the good news is that the daily treatments are completely covered under Obamacare.

  3. January 6, 2017 at 11:00 am

    How do you treat a person who IS a decent, caring human being and STILL supports Donald Trump?

    I know a handful of these, believe it or not.

    • Bill Spencer
      January 6, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      I’m shocked!

      • January 6, 2017 at 7:34 pm

        I am baffled, myself. It’s as if they put their intelligence on hold.

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