My First Car
My first car got about 20 miles to the gallon and about 200 miles to the quart. It was a subcompact coupe, a blue 1972 Chevy Vega with an aluminum engine that warped, as did […]
Author: Bill Spencer
Bill Spencer is author of the book Uranus Is Always Funny: Short Essays to Make You Laugh (Humor Outcasts Press 2020). His humor writing has been published by Funny Times, Narrative magazine, Reader's Digest, The Sun, The Inconsequential, Clever magazine, Defenestration, The Short Humour Site, Hobo Pancakes, and Nuthouse. He has also published scholarly articles on the novels of Cormac McCarthy and is co-author of an unproduced screenplay, "Angel Pays a Visit." He lives in a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife, artist-poet Carolyn Elkins.
Having It All
You can have EVERYTHING! And you can afford it! Everything Bagel is available for $13.74, while Everything BUT the Bagel is only $7.21. That means you can have it all for the low, low price […]
Our Cat Midas Welby
Our cat Welby—the world’s best cat ever—lived with us for the last 9 years of her life, and the happiest moment for us in all that time was when she peed a big puddle on […]
My Father’s Feud, or Spite Fight at the Not-OK Corral
My father, who was a lawyer, delighted in telling the story of how a woman came to him as a potential client in her divorce case and told him, “I want you because I’ve heard […]
Delilah up Front, Samson in the Back
I know Samson is supposed to be a tragic figure, but these days I envy him. After all, he had a woman who’d cut his hair. My wife, on the other hand, absolutely refuses to […]
How I Won My Wife
First off, I’m sensitive to the offensiveness of the possessive pronoun “my” in the title, as if my wife belongs to me—though I admit, after 30 years of marriage, I do feel we belong together. […]
I’ll Have Another Screwdriver
Artwork by Lauren Faulkenberry. Idea/text by Bill Spencer. Lauren Faulkenberry is a novelist and illustrator living in western North Carolina. Originally from South Carolina, she has worked as an archaeologist, an editor, and a ranger […]