Vanity, Thy Name Is Bill Spencer
I’ve always been vain. When I was two years old, yes two, I ran away from home, my plan being that I would walk to my grandmother’s 50 miles away. I was confident I could […]
Author: Bill Spencer
Bill Spencer is author of the book Uranus Is Always Funny: Short Essays to Make You Laugh (Humor Outcasts Press 2020). His humor writing has been published by Funny Times, Narrative magazine, Reader's Digest, The Sun, The Inconsequential, Clever magazine, Defenestration, The Short Humour Site, Hobo Pancakes, and Nuthouse. He has also published scholarly articles on the novels of Cormac McCarthy and is co-author of an unproduced screenplay, "Angel Pays a Visit." He lives in a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife, artist-poet Carolyn Elkins.
Do These Shoes Work?
Carolyn told me my shoes look really rough. That surprised me. I wrapped them in fresh duct tape just a few weeks ago. Bill Spencer is the author of Uranus is Always Funny: Short Essays […]
A Political Stew
I have no idea how to solve the partisan rancor that has evolved in America. But I do think I have some insight into why there is now such a political divide despite the fact that […]
Cremains of the Day
The July 2021 issue of Funny Times contains this item in its “News of the Weird” section: John Hinkle bowled a perfect 300 game on April 12 using a ball containing his father’s ashes. Because […]
Married to a Fast Woman
My wife says she lives like she types—fast and with a lot of mistakes. I can’t comment on the mistakes part, but I can attest to the fast part. I literally cannot keep up with […]
The Case of Missing Sperm
An article entitled “Mystery of the Diminishing Sperm Counts” reports that between 1973 and 2011, sperm concentrations worldwide decreased by 52% and at the same time total sperm counts were lowered by 59%. These results […]
Mixed Singles in a Sinking Boat
Looking for love almost killed me once. I’m not kidding. When I was single in my 20’s, my also-single brother Kelly and I decided to join a youth-group mixer activity, a trip from Tybee Island, […]
Scientific Facts about Uranus
Many websites are devoted to jokes about Uranus, including jokojokes.com, which offers 63 of them in one place. There’s even a whole website just for knock-knock jokes about Uranus. NASA has noted that “Uranus is […]
My First Car
My first car got about 20 miles to the gallon and about 200 miles to the quart. It was a subcompact coupe, a blue 1972 Chevy Vega with an aluminum engine that warped, as did […]
Having It All
You can have EVERYTHING! And you can afford it! Everything Bagel is available for $13.74, while Everything BUT the Bagel is only $7.21. That means you can have it all for the low, low price […]