Wednesday, October 28, 2020
Today I am grateful to be popular! Boy, based on the amount of friend requests I’m getting lately I’m as popular as the girl who put-out at prom, who gave herself the nickname, “Community Chest”.
Everyone I never heard of thinks I’m beautiful. All of these men wearing military uniforms, riding in convertibles or sailing on their yachts think I’m the person to seek out. Perhaps I have arrived and didn’t realize it.
I’m not making these names up, but they sure did. Ajibade Wasiu Chiken, Daniel Marutsi Murutsi, Eguonoghene Akeni and Harsha Vardhon all want to be my friend and have sent requests. There were more, all with similar names, except for poor Tony Smith, who was assigned a less exotic handle. They’ve already been booted out, kicked to the curb, probably in Russia, where they most certainly came from.
I had at least 20 similar requests since yesterday and I wondered why? Then I realized that I made a small comment on the Facebook page of a national news broadcaster and BAM! I’m now the prettiest thing any of these losers have ever seen! It must be pretty cold in Siberia right now. I’m waiting for an invitation to visit Marutsi.
I find it interesting that no women want to be my friend. Only men. Where were they when I was feeling like a loser in high school? Probably not born, yet. I wonder if men on Facebook get friend requests from women with names like Rusty B. Tees, or Showme Yors?
I have no desire to pursue any of these trolls, but it has been a little fun to come up with more names. Areyou Kidin, Gimmea F’in Brak and Byteme Bro all rolled into my brain. Yeah, you don’t wanna be in there.
But they don’t sound as exotic as Ajibade Wasiu Chiken. Chiken? What did this guy do, look out his window in the village and pick whatever flew past his window? Based on that name picking method I could be named, Gonnachoke Squirrels. Because those little bastards have gnawed through my patio furniture and eaten the wheels off of several grills.
It’s becoming a full-time job to block numbers on my cell, weed through trolls on line and delete the 15 phone messages a day telling me that my Apple is hacked and I have to contact them immediately on “ya number I give you or you be in real trouble!”
I’d like to say it feels really good to be so popular, but I’m getting a little irritated. I hope that doesn’t hurt the feelings of Eguonoghene and Harsha too much. So today I’m signing off as Tuvshit Azzhol and her friend, Hoozpop U. Larnow!