In the long, dark night of the soul,
when I’m feeling all alone–
there is comfort close at hand;
all I need do is pick up my phone.
Turn the thing on at the end of a week
that has made me feel that all hate me,
and there I find–much to my surprise—
that Russian women want to date me!
There’s Marina and Ekaterina,
ready to cross the Volga,
there’s Evdokia—no jokia–
and a pert young thing named Olga.
Of course, they’ve never met me,
so I’m not sure how they would know,
that if I were to say “Come hither,”
with me they would willingly go.
But I’ll take it on faith (Russian Orthodox)
that they’d be happy with me,
far away from long lines for staples.
in the land where food samples are free.
The cool thing that gets me in the groove
as I look at these Siberian beauties
is the website promises “Girl Make 1st Move!”
so I’d be relieved of my courtly duties.
I wouldn’t have to schlep around
buying flowers and making reservations,
I’d just sit on the couch like a torpid slouch
while they loved me without hesitation.
But alas, one thing stands between us,
that makes going out kinda hard;
I have a strict rule that bars relations
with chicks who need major credit card.