Worst. Germaphobe. Ever.

I’m the Worst. Germaphobe. Ever.

Wash hands, touch face. Damnit!

Sanitize, drink water, wait, forgot to clean glass, wipe down, touch counter, chew nails. Shit!

Spray Lysol, wash hands again, remove clothes. Crap-did I wear those yesterday? Into the trash.

Spray, wash hands-10 seconds, phone rings, wet hands touch phone. Fuck, where’s my phone’s been? Missed call. Toss phone.

Wash hands 10 more seconds, shower again, dry off, Mother Fucker-is this yesterday’s towel?

Touch hair-Goddamnit, shower again, sanitize. Shit-on-a-Stick I wore my shoes inside! Face-palm, Aaaack, For Fuck’s Sake, No!

Stand back, light match, burn it all down.

Sit on curb. Wait for firemen. Read Velveteen Rabbit. Naked.

Share this Post: