In the wake of his state’s second mass shooting in just over a week, Texas Governor Greg Abbott went on the offensive on Sunday, offering a compelling argument for how commentators should “contextualize and reframe” these violent events.
“So, here’s the deal,” said Abbott. “Now that the Supreme Court has helped us get abortion under control in Texas, a lot more people are being born in our state. Unfortunately, we don’t have the resources to take care of all these folks. And let’s be honest: we have an astonishing number of profoundly stupid people residing in Texas, probably more than in any other state in the union — and that includes Florida. I’m talkin’ ‘rock-hard dumb’. Just look at our state legislature.
“On the other hand, our user-friendly gun laws make it easy for anyone over three years old to purchase an automatic weapon in Texas, and that enables us to achieve population control without passing draconian legislation that liberal elites would criticize as being inspired by eugenics.
“Mass shootings may not be your cup of tea up there in New England, but down here in the Lone Star State, they represent an effective social policy for culling the herd. Yee-haw!”