Donald Trump went to his happy place.
For a moment, he thought about the song he wrote about Hilary Clinton, “LOCK HER UP, LOCK HER UP” which was covered by many of his cult followers. Happier times, he thought. He was working on a new song with the lyric “PROJECT 2025 IS NOT MY BABY, ELEKSHUN INFETERENCE, I GREW THE GREATEST NEW EAR IN THE HISTORY OF NEW EAR GROWTH”. He was such a better songwriter than Stephen King. He wondered if he was even a real king. He would have to check it with Burger King.
Time for the meeting where they advise him what to talk about and what not to talk about. Surely they realized by now that his mouth says what it wants, when it wants. These meetings never work for me, he thought. Why do they not like the sound of my voice as much as I do and why do other people have to say stuff when I am around? He decided to hire himself to tell himself what to talk about and what not to talk about, congratulated himself on the appointment and wondered why it took him so long to come up with such a genius idea.
He told his advisers he wanted to talk about growing the greatest new ear and that the extended ear community loved him and he loved them, if it would get him votes. A Fox News poll had him leading among Vulcans, Orcs and Shrek. He told them about a letter he recently recieved from a Vulcan named Quinto that said “Sir, it is only logical to vote for you so that is precisely what I will do”. He couldn’t quite remember where the letter was but that was hardly important.
He yelled “TIMBER” as the tree fell in the forest. He was wearing protective goggles and was so proud that he didn’t hit anyone this time. 26 Media outlets and Fox News covered it live but there was one more thing he had to do. His cult followers would not believe he was the reason the tree fell in the forest unless he told them in his blog that it was true. Ah well, he thought. Them’s the rules.
To be cont…
If only he could be treed. Laughed out loud at this.
Thanks Chef, I’m trying to branch out.
I think you’ve explained why these days he is lumbering.
It’s time for him to leaf us all alone and go to prison already.