What the HECK happened when you started typing me into screens?
I’m shouting ALL the time. ASSHOLE this. MOTHERFUCKERS that.
It’s sad. Embarrassing. I SO miss my analog days. Back when people printed me by hand–with crayons, felt-tip pens, mechanical pencils.
Maybe you’re too young to remember. Let me tell you about the HELPFUL & UPLIFTING places I was once found.
- Written by the teacher on the chalkboard, Friday before spring break: NO HOMEWORK
- On a Post-it® note stuck to a ceramic pot for the house-sitter: WATER ME
- On a sign at the yoga studio: BREATHE
- On the scoreboard after the high school basketball championship: HOME 101 AWAY 73
- On the box the new TV came in: THIS SIDE UP
- Carved into the bark of a tree by teen lovers, surrounded by a heart: JA + SO
- October 31 on a neighbor’s basket of fun sized M&M’s: TAKE ONE
- On cardboard milk cartons with sprouts soon to be transplanted in the backyard: BASIL, TOMATO, SWISS CHARD
- On the shelves of a vinyl record collection: LATIN, BIG BAND, PROG ROCK
- In red paint above the door of a dog house: BUTCH
- Atop the poster board of a grade school science project: THE MIRACLE OF EVAPORATION
- On yellow tape across a broken glass door: CAUTION
- In lights above a door in a darkened movie theater: EXIT
- In the screenplay of a romantic comedy:
INT. BEDROOM – MORNING
He leans in. They KISS. - On a sign in an overgrown lot near the swamp: BEWARE OF SNAKES
- In an cookie recipe giving the amount of chocolate-chips: 4 TBS
- For passengers in a lifeboat: IN CASE OF SHARK
- Printed by a mother on a sack lunch for the first day of kindergarten: JESSE
- One year later on a card in Jesse’s shaky handwriting: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAY MOMMY
WELL SAID.
This is GREAT!