Women’s rights groups across the country took to the streets on Monday, protesting President Donald J. Trump’s announcement that the U. S. government will no longer recognize the biological category of “female.”
Explaining the decision to reporters, Trump noted that “the Bible clearly states that Eve was created from the rib of Adam. Women, therefore, do not represent a distinct sex. They are built from male parts. Accordingly, effective immediately, we are replacing the terms ‘male’ and ‘female’ with ‘male’ and ‘male-minus’. Only full-fledged males will be allowed to vote, drive a car, own property, and attend college.
“Our friends in Afghanistan have a system that is very similar to the one we’re putting in place here, and it works beautifully for them. I’m told that male-minuses there could not be happier. So many smiles behind those burkas. I love all the smiling.”
When asked for her thoughts on the Executive Order, Maine Senator Susan Collins commented, “if RFK Jr. is OK with it, then I’m on board. He’s an expert, you know. And I’ll be honest. I have never liked driving. I’m always mixing up which foot goes on which pedal. Whenever pedestrians see me behind the wheel in downtown Bangor, they scatter like cockroaches in the kitchen when you turn on the light. Truth be told, the President is doing me a favor.”