In a move that shocked even his supporters, Donald J. Trump has instructed the Department of Justice to take Jimmy Carter into custody for displaying “pernicious humanitarian tendencies.”
Trump claims that Carter’s compassionate impulses undermine the foundations of the President’s vision for the United States, one in which “the weak are vanquished by the strong, much like a stumbling gazelle is pursued and ripped to shreds by a pack of cheetahs on the Serengeti plain. We aspire to Make America Serengeti Again.”
When informed by reporters that Mr. Carter had recently died, Trump responded, “well, that should make him easy to find.”