On Monday, President Donald J. Trump issued an Executive Order calling for a 40% increase in the number of displays featuring white animals at the National Zoological Park in Washington, DC. The Zoo is part of the Smithsonian Institution.
“The National Zoo needs a lot more snowy egrets, mountain goats, polar bears, swans, arctic hares, and white mice if it’s going to be a place that accurately reflects America,” said the President at a press conference in the Oval Office. “For far too long, zookeepers on the radical left have privileged creatures of color over the paler varieties. That stops TODAY!
“We also must put the brakes on breeding mulatto species like zebras. Every time an innocent child sees a zebra, they start thinking about dating people of other races. Just the other day, Marjorie Taylor Greene informed me that nearly 70% of all interracial marriages in the U. S. are between people who saw zebras at the zoo when they were kids. Beginning September 1st, the only visitors to the National Zoo who will be allowed to enter the zebra habitat will be those who are over 80 years old. Birth certificates will be required.
“Melania and I love the zoos, we really do. She likes to stare at the koalas without blinking until they lose bladder control.
“Zoos are going to be great again, I promise!”