Dear MAGA People,
First let me thank you for voting me back into the Presidency that I was born to dominate and that was cruelly taken from me by Belligerent Biden. Now that I have heroically regained that position that is righteously mine as Emperor……er… President of the United States I can finish my Wondrous Destiny as the Greatest President that ever sat on the throne here.
Now that I am again King……I mean President I can set things Right (yes, Right with a biggly ‘R’) again and begin to erase the mistakes made by the incompetency of Bozo Biden and Orangutan Obama and get us back on track to “Make My Bank Account Great Again!”…..um…. I mean ‘Make America Great Again!”.
But other changes need to be made as well. I can’t be out there in the public as much as I did before the elections . You all know how much I love being out at speeches spouting my eternal fountain of wisdom at rallies across the country and eating greasy working class food and shaking hands that have been in contact with God knows what type of diseases, industrial chemicals and pesticides that you common folk have to deal with on a daily basis, but that now is a thing of the past. I no longer need you……I mean I don’t need to be among you so much anymore and have to get on with the huge amount of work that needs to be done to get this country back to making bundles of bread for the billionaires, especially myself!
I have to be keeping up appearances now with the big shot Kings and Money Giants beating a path to my White House. I am going to be pressing palms with heads of State around the world and cannot be palling around with the working stiffs like I had to use to get me back to D.C. I can’t be traipsing around with a redneck baseball cap any more and be seen hanging with a bunch of poor, white tr……I mean hard working lower class citizens anymore. Us top 1 %ers have standards to maintain and semblances of upper class superiority to keep up.
Also, please don’t be coming around Mar-A-Lago anymore. I have put up a ‘Rich People Only’ sign in the front and I mean it. If you absolutely have to come then go around to the back servant’s door and it had better be important. None of this “I got fired and my wife is pregnant with twins!” routine- I have heard it too many times before. Now that I am King of the Hill again I don’t have time for it. I no longer have to cater to peasants….er….pleasantries.
I have more important things to do now than listen to everybody’s little boo-boo’s and heartaches. Deporting illegal immigrants and seeing that they get sent directly to El Salvador, changing the names of places and grabbing every bit of power that I can, insulting Democrats and such like takes up a lot of my time. You know- Presidential stuff.
I am the Big Cheese now and I don’t mean the cheap Cheez Whiz either. I can’t waste my time hand slapping every hick who found the gas money to get to Washington. I got a lot of other wealthy people and Presidents and Kings to meet now. I have new products to sell, including American citizenships from which I get a healthy cut of. While I am President I have money to make. There are also people to fire; planes to fly around in, golf courses to visit, grift to sift.
Now I know a lot of you have it tough because I sacked you from your cush government jobs and ripped out your healthcare from under you or made your livelihoods disappear because of pulling your funding or imposed tariffs on things you needed to survive. Well, life is tough!. Just ask those Palestinians who are starving while dodging the US bombs I gave to Israel for free. I don’t have it easy myself; take a look at all the people who are after my hide- the Democrats, Palestinians, Arab Countries, Europeans, American Natives, Blacks and anyone from south of the Texas border all the way to Argentina! It is just fortunate that I have buddies like Putin and Bolsonaro and Jong Un who have the same understandings that the way to make the big money is to control everything and everybody possible. I know they will just jump in to help me out if I get in a jam! Ain’t that right guys?! And you all should call me more often!
So you folks should just hang in there; you’ll get what’s coming to ya! There really is something to the trickle down effect theory. Just like rain nourishing the ground, like the sunlight coming down from the sun, like a farmer fertilizing his field with manure, like me taking a whiz in the Rose Garden when no one’s looking………um, never mind- you get the idea!
I know what it is like to have ups and downs. Look how I had to fight to get back the Presidency that was stolen from me by Bitchin’ Biden! You wouldn’t believe all the back stabbing and conniving I had to do to regain it! Look at the assassination attempts, the impeachment attempts, the bankruptcies I’ve endured. But – Hey! -Look at me now! I am President of the United States and can do whatever I want! I can even get someone executed! I could drop an atom bomb and obliviate a whole country! I know the stuffed shirts and Demonic Democrats would say “No way, Jose!” but I would just go ahead and do it anyway! That is the Trump way- whatever I want I get no matter what the cost is to others! I am the King of America! I am the Social Truth, The Gilded Light and the Way. And I can do whatever I want!
And I will!