All of the major television news outlets have declared a “Trump Free Week” of news offerings for the sake of the nation’s mental health (with the exception of FOX News stations which could care less about your mental health or anyone else’s -no surprise there). Psychologists have determined that constant doses of Donald J. Trump’s rantings, declarations, latest provocations and tweets have a devastating effect on the country’s psyche and well being. So in the name of general humanity they have banned all broadcasts, speeches, degradations of character and other negativities spouted by the alleged ‘President’ of the United States for 7 days to give our minds and emotions a much needed break before they do break.
In an unsurprising reaction to this decision Mr. Trump went into a full blown rage calling all the stations “weaklings”, “cowards” and other assorted insults the President seems to have a vast mental store of. Aids to his Highness under cover of anonymity stated that the alleged leader of ‘the freest country in the world’ was beside himself in anger at this depredation of attention that he constantly needs to feel alive. “It was like he was a heroin addict who was denied his daily fix!” stated one aide under the cloak of anonymity otherwise he might have been thrown under a bus- a real bus!
On the other side of the coin his millions of followers (now less than in the glory days of his first election because many have become woke after experiencing first hand the effects his legislations which have been detrimental to their lives or having realized that he would grab their daughters privates if he had the chance) are so addicted to his spiels of hatred for democrats and his constant promises of a better life that still have not manifested 11 years after he began promising them.They need the constant stimulation of seeing his arrogant face and abusive speech to make them feel reassured that he is really there for them and not off cavorting with his rich buddies and goon squads (which he usually is).
FOX News, meanwhile, has increased their usual daily coverage of their Fuhrer because they are Australians and could care less about the emotional destruction and disillusionment he creates because they just want to keep the American bucks rolling in to them and to hell with the actual Americans themselves. If all goes bad they can just exchange their American dollars into Australian pounds and high tail it back to Aussie land where they can continue to luxuriate in the styles they are used to back in the States.
On the other hand American newsrooms, newspapers, radio shows and periodicals are all going to enjoy the break in the constant acidic negativity piped across their airways and periodicals by the first dictator of America. “It will be like a shower in a pure stream wilderness waterfall,” stated the censors,editors, directors and other folk involved in the news business. Instead of having to film, watch and endure Trump’s constant throwing up of bile, abuse and dishonesty, we are going to be showing old episodes of Lassie, Carol Burnett and the ‘I Love Lucy’ show. Good, old fashioned wholesomeness and humor; something totally alien and opposite to Trump’s character and charades. Watching Trump do anything is like taking a swim in a bog- you always feel filthy afterwards.” stated Producer Stan Mergess. “It will be a great brain break for all of us!”
Trump has threatened to rescind the licenses of all media outlets that don’t immediately return his visage to the screens, computers and newspapers across the United States. CBS responded by just constantly having a photo of him up in the upper right side of the screens and pages of their media. That seemed to soothe the Trumpster somewhat. MSNBC got away with putting a similar mini image up which upon closer inspection was really Ronald McDonald.
Meanwhile, a livid Trump has stated that he will start his own network called “All Trump, All The Time”; a 24 hour network dedicated to Donald Trump and only Donald Trump.
Psychologists and social workers are preparing themselves for a surge in mental and physical decline and needs for help. “It will be worse than our fentanyl crisis!” stated Brett Linger, head Psychiatrist at the Institute for Surviving Trumpism. “I don’t know if even our case workers can survive that!”
One can always wish…….
If only.