Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about the Times Square 2026 New Year celebration , doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Times Square rings in 2026 New Year
And, in a nod to Pam Bondi and DOJ’s handling of the Epstein files, Times Square dropped the ball.
Why did the US attack Venezuela and capture Nicolás Maduro?
My guess — that all those epidemiology experts who became Women’s Gymnastics experts can now be Venezuela experts.
MTV Music Channels sign off forever with the one that started it all: ‘Video killed the radio star’
The ‘Radio Star’s’ family: ‘yeah, like that’s gonna bring him back!’
Trump Admin closing NASA’s largest research library on Friday
… This from a guy whose library will require all books to repeat Chapter 11 six times.
Chewing gum has a mysterious effect on the brain
… Especially for all those people who can’t walk at the same time.
Brad Pitt didn’t believe Leonardo DiCaprio when he pointed out his parents on film set, EW
Really, you’d think Brad would know what his own parents looked like?
Ukrainian spies fake commander’s death to trick Russia into paying $500,000 bounty
… No word if that was with safety nets situated below the open window when he jumped out.
Willie Nelson’s advice for novice pot smokers
… Or, as he likes to call it his ‘Big Bong Theory.’
Sneaker retailer files Chapter 11, closes most of its stores
That brings new meaning to running in the red.
Chevy Chase says Steve Martin and Martin Short’s “Only Murders in the Building” is “lacking me”
Well, Steve and Marty could do an episode to find out how Chevy Chase murdered his own career.
Happy 90th birthday Sandy Koufax
Here’s betting you can still hit your age on the speed gun!
Putin claims Ukraine bombed his house
It’s not official until Sarah Palin complains about the noise from hers.
Golfer Paige Spiranac, in leggings and a plunging top, shows off her swing in mesmerizing slow-mo video
So, ‘fore’ is the new ten.
Trump says there ‘could’ be US boots on the ground, more airstrikes in Nigeria
… While I’m just grateful it isn’t him pronouncing Niger.