Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Spirit Airlines crowdfunding, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
More than $300M raised in Spirit Airlines crowdfunding effort
… Or, one overhead bag fee on your present airline.
Hegseth calls for Sen. Mark Kelly to be probed by Pentagon for second time
Based on the wording, people say Lindsey Graham’s jealous.
Moving on after a break up: How soon is too soon?
It doesn’t really matter as long as you find someone new first.
Kash Patel faces new backlash as FBI Agents reportedly balk at orders to investigate Atlantic reporter
Now, that’s some eye-popping s**t …
Rory McIlroy admits he can be ‘tough’ for wife Erica Stoll and daughter Poppy to deal with at home
… Could be worse; they could get a ride to school from Tiger Woods.
Kelly Ripa still wears her 35-year-old wedding dress
Then, she wonders why people at the beach point.
Lane Kiffin is all over social media after explaining real reason to ditch Ole Miss
He dated Harvey Fierstein? Who knew?
Ilhan Omar says she thinks ‘a lot of people’ in Congress smoke marijuana
Well, why do you think they call it dope?
College graduation speaker shocked when students loudly boo her for saying AI is the ‘next industrial revolution’
She’s lucky they didn’t just throw their cell phones at her.
Happy National Hummus Day
Reminder to err is hummus …
Some Americans have venomous mammals in their yards
Hey, stop inviting over Stephen Miller! … There, fixed it.
Man says he won millions in the lottery 11 years ago, secretly stayed ‘broke,’ and never told his family
Or, as I now call him, ‘Dad!’
Whatever happened to Anthony Weiner?
I’m betting Joey Chestnut ate him.
US added 115,000 jobs in April
Really, it’s 114,999 … With Luka not showing up for Lakers.