Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about “The Odyssey,” doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
‘Odyssey’ translator Emily Wilson rips apart film, says she’d be ‘ashamed to have written’ script
Frankly, it’s all Greek to me.
Happy International Female Orgasm Day
It’s hard to tell which women are celebrating and which ones are just faking it.
Tadej Pogacar wins the 2026 Tour de France
But remember it ain’t officially over until the skinny guy pees in a cup, and the lab results come back negative.
Judge sanctions Trump’s lawyers for IRS settlement, anti-weaponization fund
MAGA = Making Attorneys Get Attorneys.
Oklahoma residents seek answers on quakes
Or, as they actually put it, “What the frack is going on here?”
Man attacked by 300-pound alligator thought it was dead
Or, one of Shaquille O’Neal’s shoes.
The Rolling Stones talking new tour
… When most people their age can only dream about being appointed to the Supreme Court.
Medicare is about to change a drug program that held down the cost of premiums
… Or as this Administration calls it WeDontCare.
North Carolina resident’s report of alligator prompts wrestling match with police
Police later determined it was just RFK Jr. looking for moisturizer.
Couple makes meth at library
Cops: Now, we’re talking about literally cooking the books …
State rules that lobbyists and politicians can legally have sex
Ironically, this usually results in the rest of us getting screwed.
When funding dwindled, California scientists turned to OnlyFans
Doing their work naked must have felt odd at first.
Jamaica still makes Rastafari ask permission for ganja
Dad joke alert: Wow, that’s putting it bluntly.
12 things to never put in the microwave
… Number 6: “Here Kitty, Kitty. Here Kitty, Kitty …”