Tom Homan had just settled in for what was supposed to be a good night’s sleep. It had been a rough day at his new post as head of the notorious ICE units establishing a beachhead in Minneapolis. He was replacing Blowhard…..er……Bovino who somehow couldn’t handle the famous ‘Minnesota Nice’ aspects of the State he was given to invade and was sent packing (He is now famous for telling his legions “You OWN Minneapolis!” which for some reason beyond the ken of Bovino the people of Minneapolis did not particularly like.).
As he was falling into a sleep that he was helping to bring about by two slugs of Jagermeister, he pulled up his Pooh Bear cuddly comfort toy, smiled a rare smile and began to snooze. It didn’t last for long……
No sooner had he closed his eyes a vague light assaulted those same eyes. Surprised, he opened them and before him in the room stood a slender, attractive, dark haired woman. Attractive, that is, except for the stern look on her face.
“Good evening, Mr. Horman!” she uttered. “I apologize for having to disturb you!! She spoke in a clear, calm feminine voice.
“Oh my God!” exclaimed Horman, shocked at the apparition. “Who are you?”
“Well, Mr. Horman, in my life on earth I was named Mary Tyler Moore. I used to be rather famous in this world actually!’
“Oh……oh!” garbled Horman, not knowing what to do. His ever trusty hand gun was on the evening desk next to him, but instinctively he knew it wouldn’t do him any good. In his daily life he could throw grown men to the side or intimidate them with his big size. But spooks were something entirely new to him. Especially curvy, good looking ones.
“What do you want from me?”
“Oh, I want something alright and you are apparently just the one I need to talk to! As you might know I was an actress and I used to be in a comedy show called the Mary Tyler Moore show. Do you remember that?
“Um, yes…..sort of….” he stuttered.
“Well, that show was based in Minneapolis because it was a wonderful, perky town with plentiful positivity and a lot to offer. It portrayed me as a wonderful, perky woman with a positive attitude. People liked the show and me for being that way. That is probably why it was a hit show for seven years!
Did you ever watch it?”
“”A little bit….”
“Did you like it?”
“Um…well….no…it was a little too perky and positive for me….”
“Oh well, can’t please everyone! What shows did you like?”
“Aaah…..All In The Family. I could really relate to that Archie Bunker guy!”
“Hmm, I think I see what the problem is here. I see that you are in charge of the ICE personnel who have invaded Minneapolis now. Is that true?”
“Yes….”
“Well I cannot say that I welcome you or your minions! You are a negative influence here as far as I can see. Minneapolis is one of the most positive, clean, prosperous and decent cities in the United States. Yes, we have some foreigners living here but except for a few bad apples they are part of the fabric of life in this metropolis. Is that worth killing people over?”
Homan gets rambunctious over this and forgets that he is talking to a ghost. “Now listen here, lady….or whatever you are! I am here to save our country from evil, murderous invaders from other countries who come here to cause mayhem!”
“Doesn’t that pretty well describe a number of your ICE agents? They seem to be a little trigger happy these days!”
“Well, they were being attacked!”
“The footage says otherwise! Believe me, I have experience with a lot of camera footage!”
“We are here to save Minneapolis from the negativity they spread!”
“Well, Mr. Homan, Minneapolis is rated and IS one of the best cities in the country! Or at least we were until ICE went beyond their boundaries and started thinking that violence was a form of sport here. We hope to get back to that standard when your shock troops either change their tactics or leave. Either one will be a good choice.”
“Now see here, young lady, er…older lady ….or whatever you are! We have a duty to do here and I do not need some spook telling me how things will work!
Mary stood back and contemplated shortly, wondering what sort of thing could influence a man like Homan. Finally she said, “Mister Homan, have you ever truly experienced Minneapolis before you came here?”
He answered “No, I have never been here before. I have had no reason to come here.”
She smiled and said, “Aha! Then you are in need of knowing the true Minneapolis and NOT the one filtered through the aberrated mind of your Mr. Donald Trump! Let me help you with that!” She then reached into a pocket and pulled out a handful of sleep dust and sprinkled it on him. He winked a couple times, surprised, then fell softly backwards into the dream world he had been longing for.
Suddenly he found himself in one of the lake-filled parks of the city, a summer sun gently beating down upon him and the town. He walked along the shore and felt the summer breeze waft by and, strangely, through him. Children ran giggling toward him in a game, brushing by his legs as though they did not even notice him. A young couple lay upon a blanket, kissing and caressing each other in the warmth of their love.
The day was mellow and filled with the fragrance of nature with a sweetness enhanced by the flowers that grew in beds along the way. The distant hum of autos was a symphony of sound rather than an irritation. An older couple walked in the distance holding hands with no constraints on their slow leisure in the autumn of their lives. Different pipings of music formed a background that should have been at odds with each other but instead made their own harmony upon meeting and blending. There was a syncopated rhythm to the city of diversified sounds, smells and textures of concrete, asphalt, trees, clouds, people of every color and shape that all together painted a portrait of a place far from others that in the far north had its own character and purpose and of those purposes were peace and prosperity and a richness of music, art and a life itself that could be a moving painting of love, beauty and a fineness unexpected in a metropolis.
Horman felt a peace grow within himself that he had rarely experienced- a peace that transcended day to day life. There was something in the flow of this great city that eased the nerves of the body and the thoughts of the mind. There was a Spirit that wafted in from the rolling plains of the prairie, were blown down from the Boundary Waters of the north and from the great forests and streams of the upper Midwest and from the great open areas of Canada into this heartland that was truly deserving of that name.
Homan felt a relaxation of all tensions within himself and a restoration of a freedom and peace he had once known as a child. He slowly returned to his body lying upon the bed and in a half sleep that allowed a contact between the Worlds of Spirit and the earthly word Ms. Moore appeared once again to him. Smiling she took his hands and said “Now Mr. Homan, you have now experienced the true nature of this great land and marvelous city. You know there is more to it now than just concrete and wood. I hope that it leaves an impression upon you other than that of confinement and arrest.”
She bent and gave him a kiss, stepped back and smiling again dissolved back into the nether worlds from which she had come.
Homan remained in this suspended state between heaven and earth for the rest of the night. Come morning he arose and felt like a different man. He went through his normal morning cleanings and dressing and left his room and journeyed down into the street. The winter air and wind no longer seemed like an element to be fought but rather to be embraced. And Minneapolis seemed no longer a strange town to be conquered, but rather one to be understood.
He knew he had changes to make and he knew he would be happy at the task. He also knew it would bring anger upon him from the ‘big’ man in Washington along with some contempt and disappointment from the men he was in charge of. But he knew, too, that he would be happier for it.