Recent translations of ancient scrolls found in the earlier part of last century and long stored in the Vatican basement have been leaked to the press and have been able to shed more light upon Jesus’ mother Mary.
Long revered as the chaste virgin who gave birth to the son of God, the documents, if genuine, do indeed seem to support Mary’s virginity. However, it appears that she was involved in a small bit of anal intercourse and a quite a bit of oral sex during an experimental phase during college in which she lived in an all-female dorm.
Asked whether this harms the legacy of the Virgin Mary, a Vatican official who asked to remain anonymous stated, “No, not at all. Anal was an acceptable way to remain chaste in that time period and it remains so today. Almost every kid today with a purity ring gets deeply involved in that lifestyle in order to stay pure. And oral sex with a bunch of college chicks? Totally hot. Besides, oral wasn’t even considered real sex according to many people between the period of 6000BC all the way up until 1998.”
“It was a different time back then. You did what you wanted back then. If God disapproved, he would show up to smite you if you needed smiting. Otherwise, you assumed everything was cool. Not so today, unfortunately. So I don’t suspect we’ll hear about this document much anymore. So if you hear nothing else about this subject, that will be the proof that it is true.”
Yes, they will quickly suppress this. Great stuff.
Were some of the documents leaked by the Pope’s butler?