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Author: Eric Hetvile

Wanted in 14 states. But those states suck, anyway.

Football Coach Squanders Halftime Talking About Grabbing Women Instead of Second Half Strategy

October 12, 2016 Eric Hetvile

University of South Georgia coach Don Trunk admits making a terrible mistake when he spent halftime of Saturday’s 33-13 loss to Northwest Florida talking about grabbing pussies instead of making proper adjustments to his defense. […]

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Fictionlocker room, Trump

Local Man Not Racist, Just Against Obama’s Policies, Whatever They Are

September 22, 2016 Eric Hetvile

Local man Don Rupp insists that he is not racist and is quite upset that people keep suggesting that he is. Friends called him out after he posted multiple abhorrent memes concerning the President and […]

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2 CommentsFictionDonald Trump, Obama, politics, President

Curt Schilling Posted Bigoted Meme Despite Serious Head Injury

April 21, 2016 Eric Hetvile
Ankle

Hours after analyst and former Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling was fired by ESPN for yet another social media faux pas, it was revealed that he amazingly posted his most recent bigoted meme while […]

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Fiction

New Hampshire Polling Shows Fiorina and Christie Running Neck and Place Where Neck Is Supposed To Be

February 9, 2016February 9, 2016 Eric Hetvile

Despite Governor Chris Christie’s effective attacks against Senator Marco Rubio, recent polling shows that while Rubio support has dipped, Christie’s numbers are still flagging. The latest poll taken in advance of the coming New Hampshire […]

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2 CommentsFictionCarson, Christie, Fiorina, GOP, new hampshire, republican, Rubio

President Obama Arrested For Alaska Domestic Violence Incident

January 21, 2016 Eric Hetvile
obama

President Barack Obama was arrested and led away in handcuffs last night on an outstanding domestic violence charge in Alaska. The President was nowhere near Wasilla, Alaska, where the assault of a young woman by […]

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2 CommentsFictiondomestic violence, Obama, Palin, track

Syrian Refugees Refusing To Move To Texas, Louisiana, or Alabama

November 17, 2015November 17, 2015 Eric Hetvile
Refugees

As thousands of Syrian refugees flee the terrors of both a brutal Syrian regime and the despicable terrorist scourge known as ISIS, many are refusing to be settled in many American states, most notably Texas, […]

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5 CommentsFictiongovernors, ISIS, refugees, refuse, Syria, war

Paul Ryan Demands Equal Time Split Between Playing With Kids, Destroying America

October 26, 2015October 26, 2015 Eric Hetvile
Ryan

Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan, being pressured to accept the role of Speaker of the House as John Boehner steps down, seems to be open to the prospect as long as he is able to maintain […]

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4 CommentsFictionPaul Ryan, speaker of the house

Gowdy Denies Benghazi Investigation is Witch Hunt, Subpoenas Clinton, A Large Stake, Kindling

October 20, 2015October 20, 2015 Eric Hetvile

As pressure mounts from critics questioning whether the House Select Committee On Benghazi is simply a partisan witch hunt, Chairman Trey Gowdy (R-SC) has remained steadfast in his denials. Despite the fact that statements from […]

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1 CommentFiction#Benghazi, hillary clinton, Trey Gowdy

Report: Lamar Odom Awakens, Asks If He Got All Of Sex Acts He Paid For

October 16, 2015October 16, 2015 Eric Hetvile

LAS VEGAS — A close family source reported that Lamar Odom is conscious and breathing on his own in a Las Vegas hospital and has even spoken a few words, mostly questions about whether he […]

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2 CommentsDaily Musings / Joke of The Day, Fiction

Pope Francis Meets Kim Davis, Affirms Rights of Conscientious Jackassery

September 30, 2015September 30, 2015 Eric Hetvile

The Vatican has confirmed rumors that Pope Francis did indeed meet with embattled Kentucky clerk Kim Davis while on his whirlwind trip of the United States last week. While the pope did appear quite progressive […]

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4 CommentsFictionKim Davis, Pope

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