Pope Francis Meets Kim Davis, Affirms Rights of Conscientious Jackassery

The Vatican has confirmed rumors that Pope Francis did indeed meet with embattled Kentucky clerk Kim Davis while on his whirlwind trip of the United States last week. While the pope did appear quite progressive in his embrace of immigrants and the poor, rejection of torture and the death penalty, and support for controversial internet betting site FanDuel, his alleged comments about Davis were troubling to many.

The pope did not speak specifically about the individual case, but asserted that conscientious object is a right that is part of every human right. “It is a right. And if a person does not allow others to be a conscientious objector, he denies a right.”

Davis alleges that the Pope lent support to her position that the right to be a douchebag due to silly but sincerely held religious beliefs should be upheld. Denying basic rights to others, he told her, should be allowed as long as your shitty behavior is for a valid reason such as your interpretation of an old book or what some guy in a dress told you on Sunday. “Do your job faithfully,” he said, “unless you harbor some fanciful spiritual notions in your deluded brain that prevent you from being a decent human being. Because that’s what matters above all else.” Davis, a likely Apostolic Pentecostal, says she feels vindicated by what the pope said to her, “even if he is the embodiment of the anti-Christ.”

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4 thoughts on “Pope Francis Meets Kim Davis, Affirms Rights of Conscientious Jackassery”

  1. As a life-long heathen, I was actually starting to warm to this seemingly genuine torch-bearer for the poor and downtrodden, this caretaker of the Earth. Until this. I am still a heathen evermore.

  2. You know, I had high hopes for him until this. So I guess lying is not a sin nor is adultery or being divorced a thousand times. She took an oath to uphold the constitution. If you want to be a conscientious objector, DON’T WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT.

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