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Author: Eric Hetvile

Wanted in 14 states. But those states suck, anyway.

Opinion: Swastika Should Return to German Flag

June 24, 2015 Eric Hetvile

I think it is time to accept that post-WWII Germany’s prohibition of the swastika has been a complete failure. The country outlawed the symbol and changed its flag, naively thinking that it would eliminate Naziism. […]

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2 CommentsFiction

Does God Still Answer Prayers?

June 8, 2015 Eric Hetvile

A young man had been to Wednesday night Bible Study. The Pastor had shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord’s voice. The young man couldn’t help but wonder, “Does God still speak to […]

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Fictionchristian story, God, milk story, prayer

Rick Perry Unable To Keep Presidential Aspirations Closeted

June 5, 2015 Eric Hetvile

Today Rick Perry came out as a candidate for President of the United States. He said he made the decision after years on his knees asking for more and more since his flame out in […]

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1 CommentFiction2016, closet, election, governor, President, Rick Perry, Texas, united states

New Missouri Law Requires Those On Public Assistance to Wear Burlap Sacks

April 9, 2015April 9, 2015 Eric Hetvile

Missouri lawmakers, in an effort to help those on public assistance more easily get ahead in their search for the American dream, have proposed a bill which would require such individuals wear burlap sacks as […]

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4 CommentsPoliticsbill, food stamps, law, Missouri, required, welfare

Many Whites With Good Jobs and Health Insurance Under the Impression They Are Being Tread Upon

August 8, 2014August 7, 2014 Eric Hetvile

HILTON HEAD, SC – Many well-off white men covered under generous health insurance policies convened for a monthly grass roots tea party gathering where they discussed the many ways that the government has been oppressing […]

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4 CommentsFiction

Sarah Palin Chronicles Attempts to Use 100% of Her Brain in “Sarah”

August 7, 2014 Eric Hetvile

Due to the runaway box office success of “Lucy” starring Scarlett Johansson and Morgan Freeman, plans are already underway to produce a sequel starring Sarah Palin. Morgan Freeman will reprise his role as Professor Samuel […]

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3 CommentsFiction

Ancient Creature Found Washed Up on Beach

August 2, 2014June 25, 2015 Eric Hetvile

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA – Two teenage boys walking along the beach made a startling discovery yesterday when they found an ancient creature that had washed up on the shore. It made very little movement and […]

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3 CommentsFiction

Palestinians Caught Red-Handed Using Human Shields to Defend Schools

July 25, 2014 Eric Hetvile

Israeli Defense Force says that they caught Palestinian officials in Gaza “red-handed” defending a school used as a UN shelter with ‘human shields.’ They’ve been making this accusation for some time but only recently did […]

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3 CommentsFiction

Many Copies of Professionally-Bound, Disturbing Manifesto Found in Hotel Drawers Across America

June 6, 2014June 6, 2014 Eric Hetvile

Over the last weeks, based on anonymous tips from travelers, authorities in several states have discovered hundreds of copies of a professionally-bound, disturbing manifesto in the drawers of various hotel rooms. The disgusting manifestos have […]

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3 CommentsFiction

Sam Kiss Forces Some Parents to Show Their Children That They Are Terrible People

May 20, 2014 Eric Hetvile

A kiss shared between two men during the televised 2014 NFL draft had media outlets buzzing. Many complained about draft pick Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend on live TV. The event forced many parents to […]

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2 CommentsFiction

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