Many Copies of Professionally-Bound, Disturbing Manifesto Found in Hotel Drawers Across America

Over the last weeks, based on anonymous tips from travelers, authorities in several states have discovered hundreds of copies of a professionally-bound, disturbing manifesto in the drawers of various hotel rooms. The disgusting manifestos have been found in both budget and upscale lodgings, and the document includes upsetting references to murder, genocide, misogyny, human sacrifice, rape, slavery, child abuse, castration, incest, animal cruelty, and really bad science. No one knows how they got there, though some housekeepers reported seeing them in there “for a long time.”


FBI Spokesman Paul Drummond:

“Now normally we’d just let this kind of thing go. But with the events of the last few years, we have to take this crazy shit a lot more seriously. You don’t know how many psychopaths are out there reading and believing this garbage. It could be tens or even hundreds for all we know! So we’ve got to be vigilant. It looks like someone put a lot of work into this.

We’re hearing reports that people have been using this thing to block other citizens from exercising their rights to marriage, fair taxation, legal wills, transition of property…. that kind of thing. Crazy, I know. This has also allegedly been the reason that we are having trouble enacting or even maintaining sensible environmental policies. Some are saying that there are even lawmakers in this country that have staked their entire careers in public service upon this filth.”

More and more copies are turning up as law enforcement searches hotel after hotel. With any luck America can be free of this scourge once and for all.

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