Rick Perry Unable To Keep Presidential Aspirations Closeted | HumorOutcasts

Rick Perry Unable To Keep Presidential Aspirations Closeted

June 5, 2015
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Today Rick Perry came out as a candidate for President of the United States. He said he made the decision after years on his knees asking for more and more since his flame out in the 2012 campaign.

Rick Perry

“Recently one night when I found myself behind the eight balls, I dropped to my knees and then later prayed long and hard on it. I asked myself if I wanted to remain in a hole or thrust for glory. I know elections are hairy and can be a real bear, but I think we’ve worked out all the kinks. Many secretly don’t think I’m a straight shooter, but I am willing to go head to head and leave Santorum behind. And Brownback too, if necessary.

I don’t think it’s time to call “cut” or draw the curtains on Rick Perry just yet. I like a good game with a black jack and I’m asking for another hit. I’m reaching for the basket with my ball. I’m tired of being on the bottom and I want to be that top man. I wouldn’t want Barack Obama to be President again for all the beef gravy in Texas! To be honest, with all of my experience, I’m confident that I will cruise to victory.”

And I’ve been practicing repeating the names of the agencies I would close down. Like I tell every man I meet across this great country, ‘NSA, absolutely NSA’ .”

Perry’s wife Anita added that Perry “just has to be true to himself, not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Eric Hetvile

Wanted in 14 states. But those states suck, anyway.

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One Response to Rick Perry Unable To Keep Presidential Aspirations Closeted

  1. June 5, 2015 at 9:14 pm

    I bet he is stiff competition.



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