Scissors and Edible Paste | HumorOutcasts

Scissors and Edible Paste

August 25, 2012
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I recall my first day of Kindergarten and (sort-of) being sad that my mom was leaving me. When she led me by my little hand into that amazing new environment I forgot she was still attached to me once I saw my classroom and that bulletin board full of colorful cutouts. What really caught my attention, however, were the tables. They had a pair of scissors neatly placed at every seat, a vat of paste in the center and an endless mound of construction paper in every color. I used to love eating that paste whenever the teacher wasn’t looking.

I have fond memories of singing ABC’s and reciting 123s. That was also my first exposure to Dick and Jane (and they weren’t anything like the movie “Fun With Dick and Jane”). I think teachers’ jobs were much simpler back then. A sense of urgency to insist on excellence didn’t seem to be the daily mantra. She was a master at allowing us to be the kids we were. Time marched forward, life sped up, innovation continued (and continues) to happen at warped speed and now competition is razor sharp. The bar is set higher and earlier with each new generation. Paste doesn’t come in tubs any longer. It’s been updated to slick sticks that twist and its flavor has been lost to my generation—still non-toxic, but nowhere near the original stuff.

I hope some day way into the future, I have a grand child. If I’m around, I’m going to volunteer in his or her kindergarten class. To prepare for that time, I’m going to buy as much construction paper as I can find now and store it away. I’m also going to jump on eBay and find some of that edible paste. I’ll stockpile those round-tipped metal scissors too. I’m going to put all those supplies in an air tight container and store them in a safe place… and when it’s my day to volunteer, I’m going to bring the stuff to my grandchild’s school. Every single kid will get a pair of scissors to cut colored paper into nonsense and certainly indulge in a scoop or two of paste. That’s what Kindergarten was meant to be… the last frontier for a kid to be a kid.

Diane Lunsford

I am a writer. I remember the first time I said those words out loud, I had to say them a few more times before the concept stuck. That was over 25 years ago and I still begin most days tasking myself to write something—anything as long as I keep paying the words forward. Humor plays an important role in my writing because a true writer needs a great sense of humor and some really thick skin. I can’t even imagine the fall out each time that proverbial thanks, but no thanks comes in the mail—okay, email nowadays if I didn’t have humor. I’m one of five children, smack-dab in the middle of my siblings and had a set of parents who did a great job of raising our herd. I’m a wife with a great husband and mom with two amazing daughters.
Words matter and when they’re strategically placed to command laughter due to their precise placement, what a symphony! I’m never going to stop writing and laughing. I’ll see you on the other side some day. I’ll be the one with the red balloon; standing at the end of the…wearing a…

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9 Responses to Scissors and Edible Paste

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    August 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    To me Kindergarten was the place where I learned a valuable life lesson. The Kindergarten teacher was like my parents (except that my mother couln’t play the piano): she handled my pathological shyness and inability to pay attention with criticism instead of real help and she was never going to try to stop other kids from teasing me.

    I’m glad that I turned out as well as I did, instead of becoming a serial killer or something else that is not recommended as a life’s work.

    I have become a humor writer, though, and my dysfunctional childhood is a treasure trove of potential humor if I ever get to the point where I can really mine it.

    • August 27, 2012 at 7:17 pm

      Thanks Kathy. To your point about dysfunctional childhood, I’d venture to say there’s a little dysfunction in all of us… how great it is when we can find humor in it!

  2. August 25, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Before you get your heart set on your Kindergarten experience with the grandkids, you better take a look at what they’ve done to Kindergarten! It’s a place where you are expected to learn! Reading, writing, etc. It’s not like you and I remember, where learning to take a nap and play with others were the main lessons. And they give diplomas for graduating from Kindergarten now!

    • Diane
      August 26, 2012 at 7:04 am

      Oh how very accurate you are! However, call me a romantic! I like to dream! Cheers!

  3. August 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

    we used rubber cement in school and we loved letting the rubber cement dry and rolling it up into really strong bouncing balls balls which we would then take outside at recess and throw them at each other until the nuns took them away. Damn nuns! Never any fun.

    • Diane
      August 25, 2012 at 4:02 pm

      Too funny! Love the inhibitions tied to youth!

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      August 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

      Do you remember mimeograph ink? That stuff was great. 😉

  4. Ted Thomas
    August 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Ah nothing quite like kindergarten paste! Of course inevitable kids grow up and you find yourself discussing the dangers of airplane glue. 🙂

    • Diane
      August 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm

      I remember that stuff! I have two younger brothers and they used that stuff on their model cars all the time!



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