Silence and being completely ignored are two things that don’t help my insecurity.
If you’re black and from the suburbs… you’re not gangster. You’re about as gangster as Vanilla Ice.
Over 200 million people have an iPhone. Stop tweeting about how elite you are for having one… because you’re not.
It’s hard to look “boss” in your profile picture if your mother’s floral print hand towels are hanging next to your head.
Men should also have two eyebrows. Nothing gay about cleaning that shit up.
If you get your haircut at a place where they wax vaginas….you don’t deserve a penis.
If you can’t grow a beard, you shouldn’t breed.
If you still take pictures of yourself in a bathroom mirror holding your last gen iPhone while making a duck face… you’re a dumbass.
If you’ve ever kissed a man who wears Axe and/or Tag products…. you’re a whore.
If you’re a guy who wears Axe and/or Tag Body Spray… you have STD’s from all the whores you attract.
And lastly on my list of complaints about today: Don’t wear a fucking muscle shirt if you don’t have fucking muscles. And even then…
Follow up editor’s note: And the tweet that explains all the other tweets:
Nothing washes down a fist full of Xanax like a bottle of whiskey.