4-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions. 4: Why?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 28, 2014
Me: Did you pull off your Barbie’s head? 4-year-old: No. Me: Then where’d it go? 4: She sneezed and it exploded. Sounds legit.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 28, 2014
4-year-old: I bet you can’t throw a ball all the way up to the ceiling! Me: *throws ball* *breaks light* Kids are a bad influence.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 28, 2014
Me: Go to bed. 4-year-old: But I have an important question to ask! Me: What? 4: Me: 4: What do dinosaurs taste like?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2014
Professor: Why do you want to take anatomy? Me: To learn human weaknesses & exploit them Him: Me: To be a doctor or some shit Nailed it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 28, 2014