Happy To Pee | HumorOutcasts

Happy To Pee

August 29, 2014












One morning at work, I was on my way to the kitchen to get some milk for my cereal and wound up walking behind a young lady who works on the other side of the office. I’ve seen her around before but I don’t know her name.

Truth be told, I don’t get to the other side of the office much. It’s like a vacation spot a lot of your friends have visited and you say “I have to go there one of these days” but you never have time. I mean, who has time to walk around to the other side of the office and see what’s there? Who am I? Ponce de Leon?

The young lady was doing a little dance while snapping her fingers and humming a happy tune. My first thought was wow this girl is very excited to have breakfast. What could she possibly be getting in the kitchen that would make her so happy? And was it better than my strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats? Was it hash browns? Were there hash browns in the kitchen and nobody told me? Why the hell wouldn’t anybody tell me there were hash browns? As it turns out, there was no need to delve further into this conspiracy theory because instead of going to the kitchen, she turned to go into the bathroom. Now I was intrigued.

Why was this girl so happy to go to the bathroom that she was practically skipping there? Was it the highlight of her morning? Is the ladies room that much cooler than the men’s room? Did they have a 60 inch plasma TV and an X-Box in there or something?

But then it occurred to me, maybe it was the opposite. Maybe it was a dance of desperation. Maybe she was playing a game of chicken with her bladder and got cocky. Now she was dancing and humming to disguise the fact she was about to spring a leak. Or perhaps it was a dance to appease the colon gods to make the plumbing work more smoothly.

For a moment, I was tempted to hang outside the ladies room and ask her when she came out what was the deal with the happy feet. But then I had images of sitting in the HR office futilely trying to explain that I have an abnormally high curiosity rate and wasn’t a perv. So instead of getting fired, I decided to take the advice of that annoying song that’s been played to death and let it go.

Mario Turchiarolo

Mario Turchiarolo is a film/TV/and comic book writer. He’s also a foodie who loves to cook and eat. Check out his food blog The Bite at http://the-biteblog.blogspot.com.

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13 Responses to Happy To Pee

  1. September 2, 2014 at 2:17 am

    I start singing silly little happy songs when I’m really, really tired. Which is a lot. Which explains why people don’t spend a lot of time around me.

    • September 3, 2014 at 1:29 am

      Do you also incorporate a happy little dance to go along with your songs?

      • September 3, 2014 at 1:56 am

        I don’t have to say until such time as my wife gets video of it.

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    August 31, 2014 at 6:26 am

    When you gotta pee and there’s nowhere to pee, urine trouble!

    • September 2, 2014 at 12:39 am

      Oh, Bill, your cleverness is second only to your charm and grace, sir.

  3. Kathy Minicozzi
    August 29, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    I hope for her sake that there was at least one empty stall and that nobody turned on a water faucet before she got to that empty stall!

    • August 29, 2014 at 7:05 pm

      You and me both! Sadly, the world may never know.

  4. August 29, 2014 at 10:22 am

    I understanding dancing coming out of the bathroom. I think you made the right choice. There’s no dancing in HR.

    • August 29, 2014 at 7:06 pm

      Right you are. Curiosity killed the cat and got people fired.

  5. August 29, 2014 at 9:26 am

    The Desperation Samba has pizazz. I usually look like those fast-walkers, minus the headband and arm-weights.

  6. August 29, 2014 at 7:04 am

    That’s not the Friday Happy Dance! That’s the dance that says, “Oh No! I waited too long; I waited too long. If I can just keep my mind off of it. No waterfall images!!!” that dance. Welcome home Mario!

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