Happy To Pee












One morning at work, I was on my way to the kitchen to get some milk for my cereal and wound up walking behind a young lady who works on the other side of the office. I’ve seen her around before but I don’t know her name.

Truth be told, I don’t get to the other side of the office much. It’s like a vacation spot a lot of your friends have visited and you say “I have to go there one of these days” but you never have time. I mean, who has time to walk around to the other side of the office and see what’s there? Who am I? Ponce de Leon?

The young lady was doing a little dance while snapping her fingers and humming a happy tune. My first thought was wow this girl is very excited to have breakfast. What could she possibly be getting in the kitchen that would make her so happy? And was it better than my strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats? Was it hash browns? Were there hash browns in the kitchen and nobody told me? Why the hell wouldn’t anybody tell me there were hash browns? As it turns out, there was no need to delve further into this conspiracy theory because instead of going to the kitchen, she turned to go into the bathroom. Now I was intrigued.

Why was this girl so happy to go to the bathroom that she was practically skipping there? Was it the highlight of her morning? Is the ladies room that much cooler than the men’s room? Did they have a 60 inch plasma TV and an X-Box in there or something?

But then it occurred to me, maybe it was the opposite. Maybe it was a dance of desperation. Maybe she was playing a game of chicken with her bladder and got cocky. Now she was dancing and humming to disguise the fact she was about to spring a leak. Or perhaps it was a dance to appease the colon gods to make the plumbing work more smoothly.

For a moment, I was tempted to hang outside the ladies room and ask her when she came out what was the deal with the happy feet. But then I had images of sitting in the HR office futilely trying to explain that I have an abnormally high curiosity rate and wasn’t a perv. So instead of getting fired, I decided to take the advice of that annoying song that’s been played to death and let it go.

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13 thoughts on “Happy To Pee”

  1. I start singing silly little happy songs when I’m really, really tired. Which is a lot. Which explains why people don’t spend a lot of time around me.

  2. I hope for her sake that there was at least one empty stall and that nobody turned on a water faucet before she got to that empty stall!

  3. That’s not the Friday Happy Dance! That’s the dance that says, “Oh No! I waited too long; I waited too long. If I can just keep my mind off of it. No waterfall images!!!” that dance. Welcome home Mario!

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