Donald Trump To Gift Statue Of Liberty To Russia For “Hacking Help”

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New York, September 20, 2016—Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced at a press conference today that, if elected, he plans to give the Statue of Liberty to Russia.

“I understand the Statue of Liberty was given to us by France as a symbol of friendship,” he said. “Just as soon as Russia’s best hackers find my opponent’s emails, I want to send them a gift to symbolize the friendship of our two countries. What better way to do that than by sending them the Statue of Liberty?”

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The candidate added he never liked the statue anyway. “Let’s be honest, Lady Liberty has a career as a statue because she’d never make it in the Miss Universe contest. And she’s wearing all those robes because she’s clearly not cut out to model underwear or swimsuits. I don’t know what that crown on her head is for, but it sure isn’t because she won a pageant.”

His plan does have a few stipulations. “Russia has to find all the missing emails before the election. If I have to get my little hacker genius Barron to find them, I’m going to give him the Statue of Liberty to play with, even if I have to take the roof off my penthouse suite to make it fit.”

Trump added that New York City residents like himself have no reason to worry about his gift’s effect on the skyline. “Once that dusty old statue is gone, I’m going to replace it with a nice Trump hotel and casino. We’ll take down that inscription about, ‘Give us your poor, your tired, your hungry’—that just encourages illegal immigration. Instead, my hotel will have a twenty-foot marble inscription that reads, ‘Give us your cash, your checks, your plastic—we accept all major credit card companies, plus payment in gold bars.”

In other political news, democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said today that, if elected, she plans to introduce new legislation to crack down on international hackers who target U.S. Officials.

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