My Yogi is a Bear…. | HumorOutcasts

My Yogi is a Bear….

April 20, 2017
By

I returned to the practice of yoga a few weeks ago. I can’t seem to get things right. I keep having to practice law and yoga.

I’ve done yoga for many years. I retreated for a time because, for unknown reasons, my neck and shoulders stiffened up. It was gradual but I wasn’t paying attention. Ultimately, I could barely turn my head right or left and started to lose the ability to raise my arms all the way.

My chiropractor, who happens to be my brother-in-law started the miraculous process of getting me back to normal (that’s a relative term… oh sure why not? pun intended!). I went on to find a physical therapist like no other through my masseuse, who is a genius unto herself. Yeah, I got a team you would die for.

So now that I can hear and see people talking behind my back, I returned to yoga to get as limber and balanced as possible, even though imbalance may run in my family. Yoga has magical properties.

Imagine my surprise when the yoga teacher confronted me at the door to the studio.

“Hi, I’m Lili, have you done yoga before?”

“Why, yes I have.”

I thought she was asking because often the yogi will want to know if you’re a beginner or have special physical needs that she should be aware of.

“Where?”

Wow. Why does that matter?

“Well, I started at the YMCA quite a long time ago.”

“With who?”

Geez, I’m thinking, do I need to qualify for this class? There are only 4 other women and every one of them looks older  and no more flexible than me based on the stretching going on on those mats. I think I’ll be okay.

“I studied with Sandy. And then she moved to a private studio down the street and I practiced with her and Sue.”

“Well, this is a special yoga class. We do %$^#% yoga ( I have no idea what she said, I never even pay attention to the names of the poses. I have enough garbage in my head. I just follow directions and look at the teacher)

She went on to tell me that she’s 80-years-old, has to wear her orthopedic shoes during the class because she hurt her feet and she introduced yoga to the YMCA in this area 21 years ago because she studied with some famous guru and Deepak Chopra.

And she still wasn’t letting me go put my mat down. I really was intimidated by now. What had I done wrong? Why can’t I go sit with the rest of the old ladies?  I JUST WANT TO DO YOGA!

What I think I look like doing yoga.

What I really look like doing yoga.

Breathe. Just breathe. Yoga. Breathing.

‘Look, I said, I’m not into Power Yoga. I’m over that. I have a big, stressful day ahead of me and I just want to get my head in the right place.” And you’re not helping, I  wanted to say.

“Okay,” she said, “well we better get started it ‘s already late.” That was my fault as well because I wasn’t passing the interrogation.

I’ve decided the whole fiasco was because I was wearing my new millennial-style, super chic, RBX yoga pants and Lili thought I was going to want guerilla yoga.

By the way, it was a great class. Very relaxing, goddammit.

For more of my humor go here

Cathy is the author of Showering with Nana: Confessions of a Serial Caregiver  and

Who Moved My Teeth?

cathy sikorski

After more than 25 years of caregiving and Elder Law, Cathy writes about the comedy of caregiving in her blog; "You just have to Laugh..."She is the author of "Showering with Nana: Confessions of a Serial (killer) Caregiver" published by HumorOutcasts Press in 2015.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook - Google Plus - YouTube

Share this Post:

Tags: , , , , , ,

19 Responses to My Yogi is a Bear….

  1. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    April 22, 2017 at 5:31 am

    She sounds like an amazing teacher person, what with the freaking you out so much before the chill session kicked in.

  2. hillsmom
    April 21, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    “There was a time, but now it’s all gone by, when we were young and
    flexible, you and I.” So I think I’ll keep reading whatever is around here, and wiggle my toes!
    (Apologies to Kurt Weill/B.Brecht) =^..^=

  3. April 21, 2017 at 7:22 am

    I love yoga as you know but not the yoga-know-it-alls! Glad you found your de-stress class!

    • April 21, 2017 at 9:13 am

      It’s just so hard to be so cute, right Donna? I include you in this demographic!

  4. April 21, 2017 at 1:43 am

    I’ve never done yoga (although I do like to go through pic-a-nic baskets), but that sounds like the one for me.

    • April 21, 2017 at 9:12 am

      I, too am a fan, Boo Boo. Of the pic-a-nic basket!

  5. April 20, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    I’ve been practicing yoga for years and years. It always helps me…I don’t count power yoga or “hot” yoga, yoga.

  6. April 20, 2017 at 11:10 pm

    Yoga for Old People at the Senior Center is where I am at right now, and I don’t even show up for THAT most of the time.

    As for different types of Yoga, I agree with you. Who cares. Just tell me where to park myself and what to do and leave the rest alone.

    Namaste.

    • April 21, 2017 at 9:11 am

      Yes, Kathy the Sanskrit names or whatever the hell they are, do not entice me. Just bend me like a pretzel so I feel better!

  7. April 20, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Thank you for this reality check on yoga! I so get where you come from, girl!

    • April 20, 2017 at 5:26 pm

      I know, right? Just let me do the damn yoga…I mean, namaste.

  8. April 20, 2017 at 11:53 am

    OMG those photos made me laugh so hard! I am so not a yoga girl. I wish I were but I just don’t have the patience – or the flexibility!

    • April 20, 2017 at 11:58 am

      I’m pretty sure laughing is a legit Yoga Pose, Lois. It must be. I do it all the time!

  9. April 20, 2017 at 11:41 am

    I just started doing yoga a couple weeks ago. I just wish that gentle yoga meant gentle landings when I tip over! Your perspective always makes me smile!

    • April 20, 2017 at 11:59 am

      Oh yeah, I forgot to tell about when we all fell over like dominos…so much for gentle yoga!

  10. April 20, 2017 at 11:02 am

    I wanted Gentle Yoga…but I needed to get rough with her!

  11. Bill Spencer
    April 20, 2017 at 10:30 am

    Sounds like Yoga class caused you to get bent out of shape.

  12. Helene Cohen Bludman
    April 20, 2017 at 10:15 am

    Haha! Your post is a reminder to me that I need to go back. But it will be gentle yoga for me!



User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle



New Release
Heartly God?
By Wil 3. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle


New Release
Farewell Amelia Mary: Long Time Looking
By H.J. Worthington and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle






Comments Are Part Of The Fun, Recent Comments

Archives