Is it the End of the World – Again? | HumorOutcasts

Is it the End of the World – Again?

April 28, 2011
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Once again, the end-of-the-world talk is making the news. But this time, instead of December 21, 2012 being the day when we all cease to be, one guy, who is another one claiming to have God’s plan in his hands, has moved the date to May 21st of this year. Actually, from what I read, May 21st is the Day of Judgment and October 21st is the end.  Either way, I still get my birthday presents, so I’m okay. You can read about this new prognostication here ( http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/may21/)

This new mouthpiece for the Almighty is looking to bible verses for proof. Is he right? Who knows? Sometime, somewhere someone has to be right. The over-the-top zealots of the religious world have been predicting the end of the world for centuries and all of them claim they got the straight dope from the Big Kahuna himself.  So, either God has a really twisted sense of humor or these people are delusional and/or looking for their 15 minutes of fame which is about all they will get if they are right and the world ends.

But just in case I am following the doomsday preacher on twitter. Yep, you can tweet with him as the world ends. I’m not sure who will be up to tweeting at that point, but it’s nice to know social media will be around to the end. That sort of shoots down the argument that it is all a fad.  And in case you were wondering, you can still make a financial gift to his ministry. He is keeping the donations door open  even though the end of the world is upon us.

Anyway, I have a plan for the end. It’s not a fancy plan, but it’s a plan.  My plan is that I go out on my front porch and walk into whatever is wiping out the planet. Honestly, I have no desire to stay behind and survive. I do not have that “let me re-create the world” survivor instinct nor do I want to be left behind with some religious fanatics who think they are the ones who get to rule the world.

Truthfully, I don’t think anyone would think it important for me to remain on Earth anyway. Let’s face it: I don’t have kick ass ovaries anymore which will be needed to re-populate the world, so my stock value in the whole rebuilding the planet scenario is minimal at best. I also do not possess the survivor skills one might need in this doomsday environment. I am not even a good camper. I failed that badge in the Girl Scouts. I cannot imagine how bad I would be at digging through obliterated cities looking for morsels of food and clean water. I am not a pampered princess, but I do need some basic necessities to live: food, water, soft toilet paper, an internet connection and caffeine.

If these necessities are not going to be available, I might as well run into the explosion or whatever is coming and kiss this life goodbye. If there is an afterlife, I hope someone is ready to beam me up because I would think whatever is after this is a lot better than living on a decimated planet where I might have to chew open cans of beans or cat food in order to survive.

I have theories on the end of the world stuff floating around. I think the people, who think it is happening in May, took major advantage of “National Smoke Pot” day in April. Or if they didn’t get high, I think they are just very bored people whose only excitement in life comes from instilling fear and panic in others.

If you are on the doomsday team who believes the world is ending in December 2012 when the Mayan calendar ends, I have a theory about this too. I think that the Mayan priests and scholars just stopped keeping track. Maybe they got bored of working out the calendar for so many centuries ahead. Maybe, they decided to take a coffee break or vacation and never went back to finishing it. They were men and men are not the greatest multi-taskers.  Or just maybe one priest said to the other,

“We went through most of 2012. That’s enough. Who is even going to remember us by then? I am sure they will have a more sophisticated method of timekeeping by the time that date rolls around. They can finish the calendar themselves. Let’s go get a pina colada.”

Who knows what will be? The thing is we waste so much time worrying about stuff that might never become a factor in our lives. Our job on this planet, now, is to take care of each other and make our present lives better so that our children’s lives will be better and so on. Maybe the end of the world is around the corner or maybe there isn’t an end.

We cannot control what happens in a few weeks or in December of 2012 or even tomorrow. We are guaranteed today, so find your joy, live your life and learn to laugh. The rest is out of our hands.

photo by tresdesolay

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books (HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com). As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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20 Responses to Is it the End of the World – Again?

  1. May 2, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    May 21, 2011…I’m marking my calendar.

    • May 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm

      Just in case, I told my family I want really good birthday presents. No skimping this year! LOL

  2. Theresa Wiza
    May 1, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    The world will NOT end on December 21, 2012, because I won’t be in remission until September, 2015! So there!

    • May 1, 2011 at 7:12 pm

      Like that thinking! But I already consider you in remission and cured. So, I’m going with my thinking more. Is that okay?

  3. April 30, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Being an engineer, I really am rotting for a end of times casued by technology. I mean God has had his chance, I think it should be man’s time to cause his doom! Although that flood was a pretty good attempt by God, it is better if you have nuclear reactors involved!

    • April 30, 2011 at 9:14 am

      Yes, Mike I tend to agree. I don’t think it will be a God thing. I think it will be a human thing that causes our demise.

  4. jack_sass
    April 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Again? (Deep sigh) I’m still paying off the last end of the world party! Man, you know, this is getting old. I run out, buy tequila, chips and salsa, hire strippers, and make damn sure I’ll have something to atone for when I get to heaven; or at least brag about when I get to hell. And for what? So I can spend months avoiding phone calls from debit collectors so I don’t have explain that I never intended to pay the credit cards off in the first place, I mean, the world was supposed to end. Right? (Deep sigh) Alright, I’ll see if maybe I can get a loan or something, but this better be the end for real this time, damn it. Seriously, I’m not doing this again… Well, maybe for 2012 if we’re all still here. Ok, for sure 2012, but only if. Just say’n.

    • April 28, 2011 at 8:36 pm

      Well, look at the bright side. If the day of judgment happens next month, you have five months to prepare the end of t world party. If the day of judgment doesn’t happen in May, you can just save up for the December 2012 party!

  5. lbwoodgate
    April 28, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Question. When has organized religion NOT been about making money? You know preachers are talking out of both sides of their mouths when they give a sermon about the money changers in the temple as they send around the collection plate.

    • April 28, 2011 at 5:32 pm

      But what if he believes this? Why is he still collecting money? And why has no one questioned why he is still collecting money? Such a total fraud.

  6. Deb Martin-Webster
    April 28, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Being reincarnated so many times I can’t tell you how much of a drag these “End of the World” events can be! Everything goes to hell in a hand basket before they can bring out the shrimp platter! Donna, I’ll meet you on the porch and bring the Jack Daniels! 😉

    • April 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm

      Deb, I am there. I have both Jack and American Honey whiskey. I say we go out with a blast, but do we come back hungover? I need to know so I pack some Advil.

  7. April 28, 2011 at 11:46 am

    The way I understand it, you just have to get in good with the Anti-Christ. He’s going to have all of the good shit.

    • April 28, 2011 at 11:49 am

      Really? Then, wise words Eric. He does seem to have all the good stuff. Do you think he will let me have that cute little BMW in seafoam green?

      • April 28, 2011 at 11:57 am

        You can have any color you want as long as it’s “hellfire red”.

        • April 28, 2011 at 12:01 pm

          I could like hellfire red but every cop in town will be looking to pull me over. They hate red cars.

  8. April 28, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Sure, you’ll get YOUR birthday presents, but what about me? I was born in December! That just sucks!

    These people need to get another hobby. People have been predicting the end of the world since the world began. We’re still here. We’ll be here ’til we’re not. And when we’re not, no one will be around to care.

    That is all. Thank you and good night. Snort.

    • April 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

      HA HA PHEE!!!! I know and this latest guy lives in my state. I’m sure he is out by Pittsburgh somewhere. That is what Philly people always say!Thanks for reading and commenting.

  9. April 28, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Well, the Mayans went all the way to 2012. Americans couldn’t be bothered to use more than two digits for date, even less than 15 years from the year 2000. So I congratulate the Mayans on their calendar-making persistence.

    • April 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

      Yes, they were not a lazy lot,but I also don’t think they saw the end of the world. They didn’t see the end of their own civilization.



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