Rant is the New Rage: Plastic Flowers in Gardens

plastic gardening craftsmanship
Plastic Gardening Craftsmanship

As an avid gardener I love to go out in my gardens and feel the hot sun on my cheeks, (that’s my face cheeks you perverts) and the soft garden soil beneath my feet.  I take great pride in what I grow.

I also love to rant.  I rant about things that annoy me – like people who put plastic flowers in their outdoor gardens!  What lazy bastard thought it would impress the neighbors by putting plastic flowers in their garden!  It really makes the fungus growing under my nails!  I mean if you are that lazy cement your entire freaking yard and paint it purple or orange!  Like someone will be in awe of your plastic gardening craftsmanship?  Do you really believe your tacky plastic floral undertaking will be featured front and center in Better Homes and Gardens?  I say not-a-chance.

All it would take is a good hot 98 degree day and your entire garden would melt into a gelatinous pile of viscous shit.  You’ll pay thousands of dollars for a riding lawn mower then puts plastic carnations along your walkway?   Oh, the humanity!

Last week I saw the worst use of plastic flowers.  A young man was killed in a collision about 2 miles from our home.  His car went head on into a tree.  A few hours later someone places a vase with “Plastic Flowers” by the sight!  How touching.  Was this guy’s life so trivial that they didn’t have the good taste to buy a real bouquet of flowers?   If you really wanted to pay your respects say a pray or light a candle – but leaving plastic flowers by the sight of his untimely demise just ain’t right!

The reason dollar stores sell plastic flowers is because they know people will buy them and put them in a plastic dollar store vase on a plastic dollar store table in their plastic-covered living room furniture house next to their artificial Christmas tree sporting the plastic Jesus at the top!   Run on sentence yes but I’m trying to make a point! Nothing says religious holiday like a plastic Jesus atop of a pink aluminum Christmas tree.  I’m starting to mist over.  What has the real world come too!  More like surreal if you ask me.

Needless to say I hate plastic flora.  It ranks right up there with jerks that put smiley faces instead of a written comment on my articles.  When I take the time to research and write an article on the Declining Economic Crisis in Bolivia, pardon me if a smiley face doesn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy about my literary hard work!  But I digress.

Rant Wrap-Up: SAY NO to plastic flowers and YES to getting off your lazy, stuck to your plastic furniture covered La-Z-Boy butt and plant a few real flower seeds.  Mother Nature will thank you. Go Green, Go Real Flower Power. . . Rant over.

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3 thoughts on “Rant is the New Rage: Plastic Flowers in Gardens”

  1. We have a condo in Estes Park, CO and they have lovely flowers throughout the town. But they also have been getting an increasing number of elk wandering through town. Two years ago, several of the motels starting “planting” plastic flowers in their beds after having fed the elk all they wanted of real flowers! SAD, but somewhat understandable.

  2. Excellent Deb! I too hate the plastic flower memorials. I hate all those memorials, but the plastic flowers are the worst. I don’t get plastic flowers in window boxes either. Seems like a weird mix.

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