God: I am almost finished with my greatest creation!
Jesus: I hope this goes better than the dinosaurs…
God: This one I have created in my image!
Jesus: I don’t know, this one doesn’t look all that original. You’re reusing 99% of the genetic material of chimpanzees, and they throw crap at one another.
God: Yes, but I am making this one a little smarter so that they will understand the consequences of bad behavior and they will all love each other. And me. Definitely me. That’s what this whole thing is about. That I get the proper glory. Those crap-flinging chimps haven’t given me a second thought.
Jesus: Why are you including that tail bone? And that appendix? And why get rid of all the hair but then leave it on the face and balls?
God: These are to cover the trail of my creation. Only the most faithful will ignore the commonalities between themselves and other animals. And they are the ones who shall be rewarded. Those studying biology will toil for years with books and field study and likely come up with a “common ancestor” theory. But that plays right into my trap! Oh sure that looks like it all makes sense, but…welcome to hellfire, boys!!
God: And when they fall on their backsides or cut themselves shaving, they will be tempted to curse my name. And if they do, I will put that in their file as well!
Jesus: I don’t think this is going to end well. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. And I am NOT cleaning up the mess this time. I still have dinosaur teeth marks on my ass!
God: I don’t think you will be necessary this time, my son.
(entering) Satan: Who else is here? Are you talking to yourself again? And they say I’m the crazy one!