Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Warning: This column contains supererogatory hyperbole. If unable to handle, put it down. You’ve heard some of these, right, from the 70-63 West Virginia-Baylor 2-points-a-minute endzonerator? Also, here are some you haven’t heard.
Let’s restate the obvious. 70-63, 133 points in a game where Vegas thought it was going to be a track meet, so much so, they pegged the OVER at 83 points. Even Vegas was blown away.
Here’s a thought. If you were a defensive back in this game and you’re thinking you might have a smidgen of a chance at the NFL, buy up every video, tape, or whatever you can find and hold a bonfire. Invite all the guys from the crowd who went to the trouble of making those big “D”s and picket fences so they can add kindling.
“Basketball started early in the Big 12.”
“The punters should return their scholarships.”
“I might need more gunpowder for this game,” said John Morgan, Mountaineer mascot.
“The WVU radio network has now taken to referring to any possession not resulting in a touchdown as ‘break point’.”
“Baylor did a great job of promoting RG3s Heisman campaign last year but they did an even better job of promoting Geno Smith’s this year.” Per Tim McMahon, ESPN twitter.
“Hide your couches, hide your loveseats, Morgantown. Everything will get burnt.”
Between these two Big 12 teams we saw a mile of offense. Somewhere in Washington, Mike Leach is smiling as he takes pride in what he started… except he’s not smiling all that much because 1) he’s got a lousy team and 2) Mike doesn’t smile that much anyway.
“And the band played on… and on… and on… and on…… until… the tuba player passed out.” They played “Take Me Home Country Roads” so much, the roads had ruts in them, played it so much they had to build more roads.
The Heisman hype already is deafening. “Baylor’s QB, Nick Florence, should win the Heisman because he passed for more yards in a game than RG III” followed by “West Virginia’s Geno Smith should win the Heisman because he had the Smithiest game ever, passing for more yards in one game than his athletic director’s (Oliver Luck) son passed for in his so far NFL career.” Even Dez Bryant says Geno Smith has the Heisman sewed up. Well, they you go. If one so wise as Dez says so, it must be.
“Yes, Virginia, there is defense. No, I lied! Virginia? Come here… there’s no Santa Claus, either!!”
“What it was… was football.” Seriously, Andy? I know you came down out of the hills and witnessed a big crowd screaming every time someone scored a touchdown, but Mike Ditka would argue with you. “What’s a Ditka, you ask?” Okay, Andy, let’s pretend you’re still alive and Barney is the best deputy to ever walk the face of this earth. Yes, we’re pretending, big time. Mike Ditka will tell you football involves tackling… no, not fishing tackle… grabbing a runner and taking him to the ground. And this game, what you saw… had no tackling. Even Aunt Bea will tell you that.