A Novice Nudist’s Lament

nude demonstrationAn inexperienced nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure in San Francisco. Apparently, the 48-year-old man, who was new to the “let it all hang out” lifestyle, had joined some male friends to demonstrate a proposed ban on public nudity in the city. To fit in with his  buddies, the new nudist  attempted to don cheap genital jewelry so he could be just like the other naked guys.


A non-nudist  walking his dog, saw the novice “fondling” himself  and applying what he perceived to be lubricant. As it turned out, the nudist was just adjusting his jewels, both metal and nature-made, and applying prescription eczema cream to the exposed areas of his body which had suffered an outbreak.


After the acquittal, the nudist admitted he learned three things from his experience:


1) While costume jewelry might not irritate one’s neck; it wreaks havoc on one’s penis


2) Followers never win. And just because the other guys wore sparkly jewelry, he didn’t have to wear it to be cool.  As his mother queried, “If one of your naked friends tried to hurdle a cactus, would you?”




3) If you have to apply eczema cream to your private parts, it’s probably best to keep them “indoors” and out of the dangerous rays of the sun.


Epilogue: Since his arrest, public nudity which includes exposing one’s genitals has been banned in San Francisco. No one is sure if the novice nudist’s  mis-sized jewelry or eczema cream played a part in the city council’s vote.
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11 thoughts on “A Novice Nudist’s Lament”

  1. Nudism is a fun, healthy, freeing and wholesome way for men and women to socialize and live without clothes. Naturism is a philosophy that values simplicity and increased harmony with nature.

  2. Well, that gives me an idea. I make jewelry, but I never thought to specifically name it something like Pretty Penis Pearls 🙂

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