My 3 y.o. cried b/c I gave her the wrong scrunchie. Someday her autobiography will talk about how she overcame a childhood full of hardship.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 10, 2013
My wife asked, “How do I look?” I don’t know what answer she wanted, but it wasn’t “I can barely tell you used to be a man.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 10, 2013
If you want to look like a model, you can spend six months vigorously exercising or ten minutes using Photoshop.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 10, 2013
“Care Bears” lied to a generation of children. The only things real bears care about are eating trash and shitting in the woods.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 10, 2013
When I was a teenager, I ruined more than one phone in my parents’ house because I drastically misunderstood how phone sex works.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 10, 2013
James,
You crack me up!!! However, here’s a little psychological and fashion advice to save your 3 yo from bullying. Scrunchies went out of style a decade ago. I’m betting that Sex And The City’s scrunchy mocking episode with Carrie Bradshaw made sure they will not return any time soon.
Love your humor,
nancy
In her daycare class, it’s still socially acceptable for kids to poop their pants in front of everyone. With the bar set that low, I think her scrunchie will get a pass.