If you’re a guy with a ponytail and you still get laid, congratulations: You’re a wizard. Please use your powers only for good.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 27, 2013
Her: “Would it kill you to smile?”
Me: *smiles*
*dies*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 27, 2013
If you get to third base with a woman after buying her a single drink, it should be called a “hole in one.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 27, 2013
The pope will forgive your sins if you follow World Youth Day on Twitter. As a counter offer, if you follow me I’ll keep you company in hell
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 27, 2013
The best part about being married is I know my wife won’t laugh when she sees my penis. She usually just lets out a disappointed sigh.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 27, 2013