Alternative Approaches

The other day I was reading through my Southern Poverty Law Center Newsletter. It’s always a strange and interesting read. It’s full of guys like the one who set up a Facebook page for his hate group and was surprised to find that the “like-minded” people he initially attracted actually worked for the FBI.

It’s amazing how much time, money, and energy goes into tracking and building legal cases against these groups. It’s expensive. But it’s necessary.

I’ve been thinking that there’s got to be a more cost-effective way to counter hate. Surely there’s a drug out there that can help. So I did a bit of research and found this:

Drug-induced skin pigmentation is quite common and accounts for 10-20% of all cases of acquired hyperpigmentation. Pigmentation may be induced by a wide variety of drugs; the main ones implicated include non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), phenytoin, anti-malarials,….

I don’t know what half those words mean, but they tell me that we’re in business.

We get someone to breach the pipes supplying water to the racist guys’ homes. And we add those drugs, using a nice wide cocktail to ensure success. If anyone asks what we’re doing, we tell them there’s been a malaria outbreak in the area and we’re just taking precautions to ensure their safety.

After a month or two, half of the members of the hate group start developing dark skin. This creates total chaos. No longer will they be able to focus on returning America to its pre-Constitutional days. These guys hate change, so no hate group can survive that.

The affected guys will undoubtedly head into town to see their doctors. And when they ask the doc what’s up with the dark spots, he’ll reply “Well, it looks like you’re turning into what you hate.”

Kooky idea, yes. But it’s worth a shot. I agree with Chris Rock. I’m more worried about Al Cracker than I am about Al Quaeda.