Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Just in time for Shark Week:
Aussie Swimmers Super Brave
Swimming with sharks doesn’t faze Aussies, mate. We knew Aussies were brave.
We found this out watching Mick Dundee. This was proven even more when Hugh Jackman decided to sing and dance during the Oscars.
What we didn’t know is that you could hold a swimming event in shark infested waters and 500 Aussies would say “No worries, mate.”
The annual Sydney Harbor Swim occurred last Sunday in Australia. Adam Wilson is the organizer.
Just within the last few weeks, three swimmers were attacked by sharks… in the same waters where the Harbor Swim occurs. Let me repeat. Three swimmers were bitten or mauled by sharks… in the past three weeks. One of the swimmers was a Navy diver. Sharks are swimming in the waters where 500 hairless, delicious looking Australians plan on doing the crawl. One thousand tasty looking legs churned up the waters right above hungry creatures.
HELLO!? Did that Richard Dryfess and Roy Scheider movie, where they were going to need a bigger boat, ever make its way south of the equator? Does anybody remember in that movie where the Mayor, even after he learned about two shark attacks refused to close the beaches… for fear of losing tourism? How about the concept… for fear of losing tourists?
HELLO AGAIN! These swimmers are swimming in the harbor starting at the Sydney Opera House which, by the way, is like Mecca to sharks! The Opera House looks like giant fins… or giant jaws to sharks. Take your pick, we don’t know which. But whatever one it is, they like it!
Adam Wilson refused to close the event. He said instead of closing it he was adding shark spotters and underwater patrols to protect entrants. Here’s Adam Wilson’s quote: “Really, the shark spotters are not going to spot anything. They’re on the course during the day just in case we need to help anybody out of the water or bring them into one of the rubber boats.”
Gee, that really instills confidence, rubber boats just in case! Like the jaws of a shark couldn’t bite through a boat filled with air. And then what happens? Mr. Wilson goes on to say “These are the general public swimming in this so we’ve got to make sure for their safety more so than what’s in the water. We’re looking after the swimmers.”
Any chance you might want to cancel the event, Adam? That might go a little ways in looking after the public safety of the swimmers. After all, they’re the general public. I guess we have to expect sharks know these are only general public swimmers and therefore not as tasty as Olympic swimmers. I think not! The sharks already know Olympic medals don’t add anything but indigestion to their meals. And sometimes an Olympic gold medalist with seven medals hanging from his neck might taste like used bong water!
What good is a spotter when you have 500 participants? “Shark! Shark! Can you hear me? This event is for humans only. Be on your way now.”
Adam, if you’re so confident, why don’t you lead the swimmers? Better yet, Mr. Wilson, how about trailing the swimmers? Why am I so worried, anyway? I already said Aussies are brave. You Aussie guys don’t mind swimming with stingrays, so what are a few sharks?