Celebrities Are Just Like Us

Donna Cavanagh

USmagesI reached for an US magazine on the table in the customer lounge of my Ford Dealership. The lounge—they make it sound as if there is a bartender on duty offering Apple Martinis as a way  to relieve my tension as I wait to find out how much my car repair will be.  The truth about the lounge is that it is a small room which was probably once a closet. The décor resembles bus station bathroom chic, but it does have Wi-Fi and a big screen TV and oodles of magazines that range from supermarket tabloids to news publications.  I know I could have opted for reading material that offered some brain stimulation, but I went straight for tabloid trash.

My philosophy of life is this: if I have to fritter away hours of my day in a waiting room or lounge while someone prepares to do something unpleasant to me or my vehicles, I want to read trash. I want my brain to melt into one gooey mess so that when they tell me I need a root canal or a new transmission, I won’t retain the information and embarrass myself as I cry out in pain.

I selected two of the most recent US issues that—believe it or not—were from 2013.  Usually, in waiting rooms and customer lounges, the magazines are at least two years old which is fun because then I can play backwards psychic. I can look at the stories of celebrities and say, “I could have told you your career was spiraling out of control.”  Or “Watch out, she’s dumping you for her newest co-star next year. Too bad you look so happy here.”

US Magazine has a regular feature in their issues called “They’re Just Like Us”, and in this featured section, the reader is treated to two to three pages of celebrities doing things that we “normal” peons do.  For instance, there were photos of Jennifer Garner grocery shopping and Sarah Jessica Parker putting on her kid’s shoes.

Apparently, knowing rich and famous people do the same stuff we do makes us admire them even more.  As US tells it, stars wear sweat pants, they change their kids’ diapers, and they belch after eating pizza which makes readers say, ‘Aw, they are real! I love them!”  If menial activities define stardom, then hand me the Oscar right now. Does US Magazine need proof? I do poop patrol in my backyard daily. Send the paparazzi to snap a few photos of me and watch my meteoric rise to fame because nothing is more “They’re just like us” than hauling around a bag of doggie doo for the cameras.

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20 thoughts on “Celebrities Are Just Like Us”

  2. Ha! Love it. And also, if celebrities do pick up a week’s worth of dog poop, and if their faces are contorted in disgust as much as mine is when I have to do it, they’re probably not recognizable. But I’d still love to see that.

    1. It would be worth a photo or two but I daresay no real celebrity does poop patrol. It’s probably a stretch that they put on their kids’ socks.

  3. If the roles were reversed and the stars were looking at mags filled with pics of us common folk doing ordinary things, they’d laugh their asses off and then have their assistant hand them another issue from the table two feet away. And they’d send the paparazzi straight to your backyard Donna…poop shots are the Holy Grail.

  4. Really enjoyed this post! Waiting rooms also send me right for the trash too even though I have no idea who most of the celebrities are. But, you know, it’s important to know which star is aging the worst, don’t you think? Or who looks best in some designer dress as you’re sitting in the hairdresser’s chair, your hair full of tinfoil.

  5. I don’t know Don Don’s, I think I would rather read my own mind that read that mag and that’s not saying much!

  6. I don’t want them to be just like us. I want them to be perfect in every way. That way it is so much more fun when they screw up.

  7. I’m more of an Enquirer sort of woman and the best issues they ever have are the celebrities’ best and worst bodies. It warms the cockles of my soul to see cellulite on the thighs of current icons. That said, I’m a great purveyor of trash.

  8. Yeah Donna, they’re just like us. I can see one of the Kardashians running down the hall to the linen closet with her pants around her ankles to get a new roll of toilet paper.

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