How They Win

In 1987 Gary Hart announced his bid to become President. He had a double digit lead over other Democratic hopefuls in the polls. The presumed Republican nominee was Vice President George H. W. Bush. According to a recent New York Times article Hart “was polling over 50 percent among registered voters and beating Bush by 13 points, with only 11 percent saying they were undecided. He would have been very hard to stop.”

But then he had an affair. He was felled by his own donger. And Bush became President.

Thirteen years later George W. Bush won an extremely close election. His opponent (Al Gore) was running in the shadow of President Bill Clinton’s 1998 sex scandal. Many voters expressed their outrage over Clinton’s sexcapades by voting against Gore.

Gore was felled in part some other guy’s donger.

See the pattern here? Just before a Bush runs for President something bad happens with another guy’s sex organ. I’ve long wondered how the Bush family keeps winning despite only really caring about themselves and their buddies. But now I’ve figured it out:

They have the ability to do mind-control over other guy’s dongs. Who knows how it’s done – maybe issuing a phrase like “The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country” is actually code-speak directing a secret flesh agent to get to work. And the family somehow uses this power to clear a path for their own political ascendency.

It’s very risky for me write this, but necessary. America needs to know what’s happening because it looks like Jeb Bush will be running for President. If during his campaign Jeb says something about turning the GOP into “a big tent,” you’ll know that’s code-speak. And the evil force will once again be unleashed upon some unsuspecting dude.

I just hope Obama and Biden and all the GOP hopefuls already have this mind-control thing figured out. The nation couldn’t survive getting Bush-whacked again.