No Apple, I Don’t Have One Unread Email

NO!I have an iPhone because I’m fancy, and because my work pays for my phone and that’s what they gave me.  With that phone comes a large amount of frustration and problems, mostly because I’m technologically illiterate.

I’m a moron to anything with a memory card or is deemed to be “smart.”  I have no idea how to work modern technology, which is why I prefer using my TV/VCR combo and watching 80s movies.

Since I can’t even operate my DVR, it’s no wonder I have no clue how to operate my phone.  I’m completely clueless, just like that 90s movie by the same name that I watch on my TV/VCR combo.

Don’t get me wrong, I know how to do basic things like check my email and make phone calls.  But I don’t know how to do anything else and I’m completely lost.  Literally.  I get lost because the phone’s maps are confusing.  (I don’t know which way northeast is iphone.  I don’t have a great view of the sun.  Just tell me if I go right or left.)

Sometime in the last few days my phone has started saying I have one unread voicemail….BUT I DON’T. I’ve tried everything I can think of to make it stop telling me lies, but nothing works.  I’ve turned it off and then turned it back on.  I’ve scrolled through to find said unread email.  I even tried bashing it against the wall, but that didn’t work.  Nothing worked.

**Author’s note:  When I refer to “unread emails” I’m referring to unopened emails.  Just because I’ve opened them doesn’t mean I’ve read them.

I absolutely despise the little red number telling me I have an unread email. It’s like the phone is judging me and telling me to get to work.  BACK OFF APPLE!

And it’s not like the iphone is a work horse.  He shuts down frequently, freezes up, or just doesn’t do what he’s supposed to.  I’m not sure why he thinks he can call me out on unread emails.

So if I go insane, you’ll know why.  It’s the unread emails.  Come to think of it, you may not know the difference between me being sane and insane, as the distinctions are quite subtle.

I guess if you see a deranged woman on the news calling for all iphones to be burned, then you’ll know I officially lost it.


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7 thoughts on “No Apple, I Don’t Have One Unread Email”

  1. You’re a girl after my own heart. I still prefer a VHS tape over a DVD and I can only use about 40% of my phone because I can’t figure out all the app crap. Funny post, Lisa!

  2. The voicemail might be from Apple, apologising for Apple Maps and if it’s not, it should be!

  3. OMG! I had one of those little red numbers on my phone for days. No, weeks. My granddaughter had to help me get rid of it! In fact, little by little she’s been teaching how it works. Would you like to borrow her for a few days?

  4. I love my iPhone. It has all kinds of cool stuff on it and sometimes I just love to sit and play with it (as long as it isn’t something that’s going to cost me money). I love gadgets and I love messing with them.

    I will now sneak quietly away before someone kills me.

    1. HOW CAN YOU FIGURE THAT THING OUT?! I like it but I also hate it at the same time! I do, however, love that it gives me something to do when I’m bored and standing in line somewhere, so I guess it has its perks.

      1. Somehow, when God gave me my brain cell connections, I got the ones that enable me to figure out gadgetry. I can also read maps, which has come in handy in the past.

        Don’t ask me, though, to go through even one day without doing something dumb. I can’t sell things, either. When I was a kid and we had to sell those chocolate bars to help pay for our school gym, I sold most of mine to my family. Later, I tried to be an Avon lady and failed at that, too.

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