Me: I’ll take a pizza. Waiter: Sir, this is a five-star French restaurant. Me: Fine, I’ll take le pizza.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2014
Me: Stop stalling and go to bed. 4-year-old: But I really need to ask something first! Me: 4: What if people were made of balloons?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 22, 2014
4-year-old: Why aren’t you drinking beer during the game? Me: I don’t need alcohol to have fun 4 Me: 4: Mom wouldn’t let you? Me: Bingo
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 22, 2014
4-year-old: What’s wrong with your face? Me: Nothing. I’m just smiling. 4: Make it stop.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 22, 2014
My 2-year-old threw a temper tantrum because I made her eat all her M&Ms, not just the green ones. It’s my fault she’ll end up in therapy.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 22, 2014
From http://t.co/VWBH85uwGZ 5/29/14: pic.twitter.com/GPmq7MEhQ8
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) November 15, 2014