Mormon: Want to hear about my religion?
Me: I already know. There can be only 1
Him: That’s Highlander
Me: Come back when you have swords
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2014
No thanks, florescent lights in bathrooms. I’d rather not know every single thing that’s wrong with my face.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2014
I told my 4-year-old to go watch TV because I was tired of reading her books, in case you wondered how good I’d be at home schooling.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2014
Wife: The living room looks like it was trampled by a herd of wildebeests
Me: Don’t be ridiculous
Two wildebeests doesn’t count as a herd.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2014
No thanks, Rubik’s Cube. It just took me ten minutes to solve how to open a milk carton.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2014