Me:*ties shoes*
4-year-old daughter: That’s not right.
Me: Can you do it better?
4: No, I just know you’re wrong.
She’s already a woman.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 21, 2014
Reasons my 2-year-old threw a fit today:
1) I woke her up.
2) Her socks felt funny.
3) Her balloon was too floaty.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 21, 2014
My 4-year-old is watching Netflix on a tablet & a show on TV at the same time
She just told me she’s bored.
And people wonder why I drink.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2014
Me: *sips Kool-Aid* It tastes different.
Wife: I didn’t put sugar in it. It’s healthier that way.
Me: Good idea. *files for divorce*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 21, 2014
It’s hard for me to keep my life together when I live under the threat that at any moment my kids could break into a song from “Frozen.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 21, 2014